Visitors to Dissidia
by celticskyedancer
Summary: Cosmos decides to reward her warriors by inviting those closest to them to come visit them in Dissidia. However, random chaos results involving Zidane's flirting, Shantotto's whacky spells, and the feud between Cloud and Terra.
1. The Arrival and Introductions

_A/N: Yes, I know I need to work on my other stories, but this little idea came into my head with my frustration at the lack of girls in Dissidia so I wrote this as a tribute to all those girls who stand behind their men. Hope you enjoy._

**Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, Dissidia, or its games, plots, and characters, etc. You all know that. If I did own Final Fantasy let's just say there would be a huge epic, crossover movie between the different games, and I would be filthy rich, and spend all my time doing something other than right on fanfiction. But seeing as Square Enix owns the characters, plots, etc., I get stuck with this. Enjoy.**

Chapter One: The Arrival and Introductions

Zidane Tribal could die a happy man (well technically genome) right now. He could honestly and easily die an extremely happy man.

Here at their Dissidia hangout were _girls._ _Hot_ girls. _Extremely_ hot girls. _Six_ extremely hot girls. Okay – sure, they weren't here for him, but still…they were here.

"Hello ladies," he said as smoothly as possible. "My name is Zidane Tribal, one of Cosmos' chosen warriors. Welcome to Dissidia. May I get the names of you lovely ladies?"

"I'm Maria," the young woman with long, wavy violet hair said with a smile. A bow sat slung behind her back. "Aren't you cute?"

"Hello, oh beautiful Maria," Zidane said gracefully. _Cute?_ Zidane had definitely not been aiming for cute. More along the lines of sexy and sophisticated. Oh well. Cute still meant that she liked him.

"I'm Rosa, and this," the blond woman said, indicating the bundle in her arms, "is Ceodore."

_She has a baby…which means she has a husband. _Zidane's disappointment lasted only a second. It was probably a good thing she was clearly taken. He did not want one of his fellow Cosmos Warriors killing him for flirting with this woman. Besides, she was a bit older than him.

"He's so adorable," the five other girls cooed, surrounding the baby.

_I'm adorable too,_ Zidane thought, tail twitching back and forth in agitation. Finally the girls turned their attention back to him.

"I'm Lenna," a girl with pinkish orange hair said.

"Hello, lovely Len…"

"Lenna!" an energetic voice exclaimed, as a blur pushed past the genome. "You came!"

"Of course I came," the girl replied. "I wanted to see you."

The blur was none other than Zidane's partner-in-crime, Bartz Klauser. He embraced her gently, sending Zidane a pointed look that said "_Mine._"

Zidane shrugged in return, looking at the remaining three women. Four out of six was not so bad. At least none of the other four had boyfriends…rather, they did not obviously have boyfriends. Therefore they were fair game.

"I'm Tifa," the young woman with dark hair and reddish brown eyes said. Zidane definitely appreciated her…aspects.

"I'm Rinoa," the woman with dark hair and eyes said. The name rang a bell somewhere in the back of his head. He had heard that name somewhere…but where?

"Hello, Rinoa and Tifa. You don't happen to be sisters, do you? Because you look a lot alike. You're both equally beautiful." Actually they looked a little like Dagger. A strange feeling coursed through his body at the thought of his girlfriend, the Queen of Alexandria, but he pressed the feeling aside. Since he could not identify it, it must not be very important.

"Actually, we're both from totally different worlds," Rinoa said with a laugh. "But I suppose we do look a lot like sisters."

"We just met a few minutes ago," Tifa added.

"And I'm Yuna," the last girl with heterochromatic eyes said.

"Hello, Yuna," Zidane said, bowing elegantly. His tail wagged back and forth unconsciously. So many pretty, single girls. (Okay, he was not sure if they were single, but still…for now he considered them single.) "Would you lovely ladies like a tour of our little hangout?"

"If Cosmos' residence is little, I'd like to see what you call big," Bartz muttered. "Hey Zidane, isn't Garnet coming later?"

"Yeah," Zidane muttered quickly, "but she had some business in Alexandria to attend to first." That strange feeling soared through him again. "I feel weird once you mentioned her."

Bartz smirked. "That my friend is called guilt. It's this nagging little emotion that will get inside you and literally tear you into a thousand writhing pieces."

"Like when you said Faris was prettier than me?" Lenna demanded indignantly.

Bartz writhed under Lenna's intense gaze. "…No one's prettier than you. What are you talking about?"

"I know what guilt is," Zidane said. "But that can't be it because I have nothing to be guilty of." He turned his attention back to the ladies following him. "The building looks impressive on the outside, just like you all. Cosmos is really classy when it comes to decorating tastes. I'd show you all the bedrooms, but mine is a mess, and I'm sure everyone else's is also. I'd hate for such lovely ladies to see such mess."

"Try cheating on your girlfriend," Bartz muttered.

"I'm not cheating on Dagger!" Zidane exclaimed.

"You're flirting with all the girls here."

"Yeah, but that's not cheating."

"I call it cheating," Maria muttered.

"Besides, I haven't exactly flirted with every girl here." He opened the front door, motioning the girls inside with an elegant bow. "This is our front entryway. We just use it to collect mail and stuff. We actually rarely use this as the entrance."

"And just beyond this hallway is the kitchen," Zidane said. "That's where I spend most of my time."

"No, you spend most of your time wooing Terra," Bartz muttered.

Zidane glared at Bartz as he entered the kitchen. "Hey Warrior! Everyone, this is the Warrior of Light. He's like a legend here."

"Hello," the Warrior of Light said, addressing all the women. "I hope Zidane has not been too much of a flirt with you."

"A bit," Tifa said, "but he was very nice to offer to show us around."

"How long has the sub been in the fridge?" a voice asked.

"Cloud's sub?" the Warrior of Light asked.

"Yeah."

"Only half a day, but I wouldn't touch it, Cecil."

"I'm not going to eat it. It looks moldy-ish, that's why," Cecil replied.

"Well Tidus was complaining that Shantotto magicked half the food in the refrigerator," the Warrior of Light responded.

"Tidus exaggerates everything," another voice commented, as a youth with silver hair under an orange turban entered the room. "Hello Maria, when did you get here?"

"Oh, just a few minutes ago," the archer replied. "Zidane has been showing us around."

"Then he probably hit on every single one of you," Firion replied with a sigh.

"I'm not that bad," Zidane said. "So is Maria your girlfriend?"

Both Firion and Maria blushed. "Actually, we're just close friends," Firion muttered.

"Oh," Zidane said. "Well in that case…" He slid over toward Maria only to be whacked on the head by Firion as the weapons master placed himself between Maria and the genome. "What was that for?"

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Firion growled.

"Well yes…" Zidane muttered. "Great, I feel all weirdish again."

"That's probably guilt," Firion said. "Girls will use it against you. Trust me, I know."

"Well you did forget my sixth birthday," Maria muttered.

"I was only six," Firion protested.

"All my six-year-old hopes and dreams just flew out the window," Maria said.

"I said I was sorry like sixty times," Firion said.

Rosa cleared her throat rather loudly. Cecil looked up quickly. "Oh, Rosa!" he exclaimed. "I'm so sorry I didn't notice you. I was looking for something safe to eat, but that's not really an excuse is it?"

"No, it isn't," Rosa said. She walked over to Cecil. "How have you been?" she asked.

"Fine," Cecil replied. "How's Ceodore?"

"Great," Rosa replied. "He took the journey rather well." She handed their son to Cecil, who cradled him in his arms.

"Firion, Warrior of Light, this is my wife Rosa and our son Ceodore," Cecil said.

"It is a pleasure to meet you," the Warrior of Light said.

"Don't tell me you believe Tidus about Shantotto messing with the food," Firion muttered. "He always exaggerates everything."

"That's my boyfriend you're talking about," Yuna said heatedly.

"Sorry," Firion quickly muttered, "but he is a bit of a drama queen…king."

"Well…yes."

"Most of the stuff in here looks off," Cecil replied, indicating the fridge.

"I'll show you," Firion said. He pulled out a container holding leftover fried chicken. "This stuff is fine. See." He pulled the lid off. Immediately, the food contents growled rather angrily. Firion quickly slammed the lid back down on the container after a stunned second, tossing it back into the fridge. "Let's just leave the stuff in the refrigerator alone," he muttered.

"Agreed," Cecil and the Warrior of Light said.

"So how'd your match with Cloud, Squall, and Tidus go?" the Warrior of Light asked.

"Horrible," Firion replied. "Tidus totally creamed me. I may have a slight edge in regular sparring matches, but when it comes to video games, Tidus pwns."

"Where is Cloud?" Tifa asked.

"Yes!" came the energetic reply from another room. "The almighty Cloud has been defeated. Looks like you're the last one standing, Squall."

"That sounded like Tidus," Yuna muttered.

"That was Tidus," Firion replied. "He, Cloud, and Squall are in the lounge. Come on, I'll show you."

Cloud, Tidus, and Squall were all seated on a sofa in the lounge, playing some fighting game. A controller sat untouched on Cloud's last due to the fact that he had just lost his last life.

"I believe our guests are here," the Warrior of Light announced calmly.

Tidus glanced over his shoulder, forgetting to pause the game. "Hey Yuna!" he exclaimed. "When did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago," the girl replied with a smile.

"Well I'm glad…hey!" Tidus turned to glare at Squall – who had killed him while he was distracted. "That's not fair. Do I kill you when you're distracted?"

"Yes," Squall replied coldly. "Besides, it's just strategy."

"But our resident blitzball player has a point," Cloud observed. "That was cheap."

"Oh, I don't deny that it's cheap," Squall said. "I just believe it also counts as strategy."

Zidane and Bartz exchanged a conspiratorial glance before exclaiming, "Squall!"

Squall cursed, jerking Cloud and Tidus in front of him to act as a shield. However, the two simply ran around the blonds to tackle Squall to the ground. "Get off me!" he exclaimed.

Rinoa burst out laughing at the sight of Squall on the ground. He glared up at her. "I'm glad one of us finds this funny," he commented dryly.

"I'm sorry," Rinoa gasped, wiping tears from her eyes. "But you should have seen your face. It looked something like this." She made a face halfway between horror and annoyance; it mirrored the expression Squall had when Zidane and Bartz had screamed his name.

"Impressive," Cloud muttered.

"Do his thinking face," Bartz said.

Rinoa frowned slightly, perfectly imitating a brooding Squall. "Yes!" Bartz exclaimed. "You have awesome Squall-imitation skills."

"Well I've been told so before," Rinoa said.

"Well that's…"

"Get off!" Squall snapped at Zidane and Bartz, who were still on top of him. The two scurried off him as he rose to his feet. "What were you two doing?" he asked.

"Giving all these pretty ladies a tour," Zidane said. "If a group of hot girls shows up, I'm gonna spend time with them."

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Squall asked.

"Well yes," Zidane admitted. "Funny, I feel weird now."

"That's called guilt," Squall explained. "Girls use it to dig under your skin and make you feel like a worthless piece of trash."

"I've got nothing to be guilty of," Zidane replied.

"How about cheating on your girlfriend?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's taking it to an extreme. I am not cheating on Dagger."

Squall just shook his head and walked over to Rinoa. "So how have you been?" he asked.

"Good," she hummed, smiling. "I missed you."

Squall started to smile (catching everyone's attention). However, before he could say anything, Zidane butted in between them. "How did you do that?" he asked Rinoa.

"Do what?" she replied.

"Make him smile!" Zidane turned to face Squall. "How can she make you smile? Bartz and I have been trying everything for the past three weeks to get you to smile."

"I don't think hanging me upside down from a tree is going to make me smile," Squall retorted.

"I thought it was funny," Bartz replied. "Even Cloud laughed."

"The kid's got a point," Cloud commented. "That was hysterical."

"You wouldn't have found it funny if you were the one in the tree," Squall said.

"True."

"Still," Zidane said. "Who is she and what makes her so special?"

"She's my girlfriend," Squall replied.

"Well I guess that…so this means you're not gay?"

"What!" Squall exclaimed, furious. "Where did that come from?"

"I honestly figured you were gay. Bartz and I even made a bet…I lost."

"Don't drag me into this," Bartz warned.

"Zidane," Squall growled.

Zidane backed away from the gunbladesman nervously. "Well, I didn't mean anything by it." He suddenly turned to face Bartz. "Does that mean Cloud's not gay either?"

Cloud twitched, but regained his composure. "Squall that's no reason to kill them…wait. Define: you thought we were gay. Did you think we were both just gay or did you think we were gay with each other? Because, there is a huge difference in those two statements, and one will end up with you very dead."

Zidane swallowed nervously. "Like I said, I didn't really mean anything by that statement." Glancing nervously between the two men approaching him menacingly, Zidane quickly scurried up to the ceiling, hanging from one of the overhead beams by his tail.

"Zidane, get down here," Cloud ordered.

"Are you gonna hurt me?"

"Yes."

"Then, I'm staying nice and safe up here."

"Cloud, just let it slide," Tifa said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"She your girlfriend?" Zidane asked.

"Yes," Cloud said tersely. "Don't you have one?"

"Well yes…there's that weird feeling again."

"Then why are you eying mine? And that feeling is guilt."

Tifa just laughed, shaking her head as she directed Cloud to one of the couches. "Cloud, you are so paranoid. By the way, everyone, I'm Tifa Lockhart."

The front doorbell rang. "I bet that's Garnet!" Zidane exclaimed, propelling himself to the floor. "You guys can start the introductions while I get the door since all these lovely ladies know who I am." With that, he rushed out of the room before Cloud or Squall could get him.

He rushed to the front door, flinging it open. "Garnet!" His excited face fell when he saw who it was. "You aren't Garnet."

_A/N: Who showed up? You'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. (By the way, for those who haven't played IX or are unfamiliar with its characters, Garnet and Dagger are the same person.) Please review! (You'll get mentioned at the beginning of the next chapter.)_


	2. Terra and Shantotto

_A/N: Okay, here's chapter two. Holy crap, I got eight review for my first chapter. I think that's a record for me. Thanks to all my reviewers, and I hope you enjoy this chapter._

Chapter Two: Terra and Shantotto

"Obviously you were expecting someone else," one of the two figures at the door said.

A man and a woman stood closer to each other. The man had tousled silver hair under a bandana while the woman's blond hair fell straight to her waist.

"My friend Garnet was supposed to visiting," Zidane replied. "But she's late."

"Well, we're late because Locke here couldn't stop and ask for directions," the woman said.

"Setzer said he knew exactly where he was going," Locke said defensively.

"And who are you, oh beautiful maiden?" Zidane asked, tail twisting to form a heart.

"_She_ is taken," Locke said, placing an arm around her possessively. He glared at Zidane.

The woman shoved Locke lightly. "I'm Celes Chère, and my companion is Locke Cole."

"I'm Zidane Tribal," the blond genome said. "Nice to meet you. Which Cosmos Warrior are you friends with?"

"Terra," Celes replied. "Terra Branford?"

"Yep, I know her!" Zidane exclaimed. "Well I know everybody here, but definitely her. She's like the only girl here so…well Shantotto shows up sometimes, but it's basically just Terra."

"I feel sorry for her," Celes replied. "I know what it's like to be the only girl among a group of boys."

"When were you alone with a bunch of guys?" Locke asked, almost paranoid.

"Other than meetings when I was in the Gestahl army? Try flying here with you and Setzer on the airship."

"We weren't that bad," Locke protested.

"We ended up in the middle of Baron! You two were so adamant about not asking for directions."

"Setzer knew exactly where we were; we weren't lost."

Celes snorted. "So Zidane…"

"Yes," he chimed, tail wagging wildly.

"Do you know where Terra is?"

"Well…no, but I'll introduce you to everyone else. I'm sure at least one of them knows where Terra is."

"Thank you," Celes said with a smile.

"Anything for a beautiful woman," Zidane replied.

Locke instantly placed himself between Zidane and Celes, shooting daggers at the genome. "Don't get any ideas," he growled under his breath.

Celes whacked Locke upside the head. "Be nice," she ordered.

"Hey guys!" Zidane exclaimed, bursting into the living room. "This is the lovely Celes and the mean Locke. They're friends of Terra."

"Lovely Celes?" Squall asked. "Don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah…" Zidane trailed off. "There's that weird feeling again."

"Again, it's called guilt."

"So does anyone actually know where Terra is?" Celes asked, looking around the room for a sign of her friend.

"Haven't seen her in a while," Firion commented. "Cloud?"

"Why would I know where she is?" Cloud asked.

"Well you spend a lot of time with her," the rose-lover remarked.

"Oh really?" Tifa asked suspiciously. "So who's this Terra?"

"A mage who's half esper," Cloud replied, not noticing Tifa's anger. "She's also basically the only girl here."

"And you spend all your spare time with her?" Tifa asked, this time getting her point across.

"Not all my spare time," Cloud protested. "I spend more time with Squall, Tidus, or Firion. Do you think something's going on…"

Tifa's face remained expressionless and unreadable. "I don't know, Cloud. You tell me: should I be concerned of this Terra?"

"No," Cloud protested. "No, there is nothing going on between me and Terra."

"Well actually there is something going on between him and Terra, but it is not romantic in anyway," Squall commented.

Cloud glared at the gunbladesman. "What is that supposed to mean?" Tifa demanded.

Before Squall could elaborate, an ear-piercing scream reverberated through the large house. A small figure burst into the room from a side door, quickly slamming the door shut and locking it as something crashed into it from the other side. A boy with silver hair turned around panting heavily.

"Luneth, are you okay?" Zidane asked, running to his friend.

Cloud leapt to his feet. "Luneth, what happened?"

"You!" Luneth exclaimed, pointing at Cloud. "You sold me out!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Cloud said, trying to calm the boy down. "What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?" Luneth asked. "You told Terra that is was my fault that she and Shantotto got locked in the closet for six hours when it was your idea!"

"Cloud," Squall groaned.

"Not now, Squall," Cloud said. "Luneth, first off, I would never sell you out like that. If Terra had confronted me about the issue, I would have confessed to it. But I didn't tell her anything."

"Well someone told her it was me, and I'm not taking the fall. It was Tidus' and your idea anyways."

"You locked both Terra _and_ Shantotto in a closet for six hours?" Cecil asked.

Cloud shrugged. "Tidus had the dispute with Shantotto, and Terra had it coming."

"Your name is Cloud, right?" Locke asked. "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Just…just out of blatant curiosity…are you suicidal!?"

"She had it coming," Cloud replied. "She turned everything in my room a different shade of pink, including the Buster Blade."

Locke's eyes widened in shock. "That…that's harsh actually."

"But somebody had to sell me out," Luneth replied.

"Who sucks up to girls?" Squall asked.

"It was you!" Luneth exclaimed, turning angrily toward Zidane.

"What!?" Zidane exclaimed, turning to face Squall. "I can't believe you just sold me out!"

"I never said it was you," Squall replied. "I was just making a guess. You confirmed it yourself."

"You're evil," Zidane said.

Luneth lunged forward, trying to strangle Zidane. However, a force on the other side of the door Luneth was standing in front of blasted said door off its hinges, flying with Luneth all the way into the wall. An esper Terra stood in the doorway, eyes blazing. A furious Shantotto stood behind her, wand out.

"Oh $#!, she went esper," Locke muttered.

"Luneth!" Terra exclaimed angrily.

"Calm down, Terra," Cloud said. "It was my idea."

"Your idea!?" she exclaimed. "Of course it was your idea."

"You had it coming," Cloud replied.

"_I_ had it coming!?"

"So why did you lock me in the closet with her?" Shantotto asked, advancing on the spiky blond.

"Tidus was the one who had an issue with you," Cloud replied.

"Great," Tidus muttered. "Now you're selling me out."

The small black mage turned angrily to face Tidus. "So it was _you_ who locked me in that closet with Terra," she said with suppressed rage.

"Hey, you were experimenting with my food," the blond blitzball player retaliated. "I kind of eat that stuff."

"It was just a couple of leftover burritos," Shantotto replied.

"Yeah, but they were good and I was going to eat them."

"Wait, what?" Firion asked, blue eyes suddenly wide. "Which burritos?"

"There was only one set of burritos in the fridge," Tidus retorted. Blue eyes grew wide in horror. "Tell me you didn't…"

Firion had taken on a greenish tint. "I think I'm going to be sick," he moaned, rushing into the nearest bathroom.

Shantotto's eyes were wide in amazement. "He actually ate them. Either he's really brave or really stupid. Either way, he just rose a few echelons in my respect book."

"He didn't even know they were enchanted," Cecil muttered.

"He's still a moron," Terra muttered.

"Firion's kind and comparing," Maria responded.

"Comparing?" Bartz asked.

"Oh," Maria mumbled. "I meant to say compassionate, but changed it to caring halfway through."

"Oh, I didn't say that he wasn't kind and compassionate," Terra replied. "But he's still a moron. All the guys here are morons. Some more than others." Her blue eyes landed on Cloud. "And you're the biggest moron of them all."

"Oh, I'm the biggest moron?" the chocobo-haired swordsman asked.

"Yes. You locked me in a closet for six hours!"

"Because you turned everything in my room a different shade of pink."

"Because you held my moogle plushies hostage."

"Because you used the Buster Blade to hack at some tree outside your bedroom window."

"Because you used my sword as a lockpick."

"You don't even use your sword. Besides, you locked my materia in the closet."

"Because you…"

"Will you two just shut up?" an annoyed Squall asked. "Hyne, you're worse than Zidane and Bartz at times. What even started this little war between you two anyways?"

Cloud and Terra exchanged glances and shrugged. "You know, I don't remember," Terra said. "All I know is that Cloud is gonna pay."

"Bring it on, Tina," Cloud responded.

Terra's eyes were smoldering pools of sapphire. "That's Terra!" the mage exclaimed, blasting Cloud with Firaga.

After a few minutes of struggle, the two female Cosmos Warriors had managed to hang Luneth, Cloud, and Tidus upside down from the ceiling. "I do not deserve this!" Luneth protested. "It was all Cloud and Tidus' idea."

"Oh yeah," Tidus remarked sarcastically. "I quote: great idea, that sounds fun; let me help. You are just as guilty as the rest of us."

Terra glanced around the room. "Okay, this is going to sound really ADD, but oh my gosh, there are girls here! I mean, more than me and Shantotto."

"It's Shantotto and I,'" the black mage corrected.

"Oh boo hoo," Terra shot back. "So are you all here for the rest of the day?"

"Yep!" Lenna chimed. "At least I am."

"Great!" Terra exclaimed. "You don't know how happy I am that you're here. I'm tired of being the only girl here surrounded by a bunch of morons."

"Hey, I'm here sometimes," Shantotto said.

"You're here _sometimes,_" Terra said. "Not all the time. Um…so can I get everyone's names?"

"I'm Rosa Harvey, Cecil's wife, and this is our son, Ceodore," the blond white mage said.

"Aw," Terra cooed. "He's an adorable baby."

"Thank you," Rosa said.

"I'm Yuna," the heterochromatic-eyed gunner said.

"Oh, Tidus talks about you all the time," Terra commented.

"Aw, that's so sweet," Yuna said, laying her head on Tidus' shoulder.

"I'm Rinoa," the dark-haired sorceress said. "I'm Squall's girlfriend."

"How do you put up with Squall?" Terra asked.

"Pardon?"

"How do you put up with that emotionless block of lead that is Squall Leonhart?"

"Oh. You just have to chisel away until something cracks."

"We tried that," Zidane whined, "But it didn't work."

"You're just not pushing the right buttons then," Rinoa replied.

"Don't encourage them," Squall said.

"I'm Lenna," the pink-haired princess said. "I'm Bartz's girlfriend."

"I'm Maria," the violet-haired archer said with a smile.

"And I'm…" Tifa started to say.

"Oh I know who you are. Tifa Lockhart, right? Cloud talks about you all the time. It's the only way to get more than ten words about him."

"Huh?" Tifa asked, confused.

"You know how Cloud doesn't talk much?" Terra asked. "Well, get him started on you, and he won't shut up."

"Oh really?" Tifa asked, glancing over at Cloud. A faint blush covered his face, but whether it came from Terra's words or the blood rushing to his head was unclear. "So there's absolutely nothing going on between you and Terra?"

"What!? Me with chocobo-head? Hell no! He's the biggest moron here. Besides, he's infatuated with you; trust me."

"And I'm.."

"Shut up, Locke," Terra said. "I know who you are. How are you doing, Celes?"

"Good," the former magitek knight said. "Aside from dealing with Setzer and Locke getting us lost."

"We were not lost," Locke said defensively.

"Yes," Celes muttered, shaking her head, "yes, we were."

The doorbell rang again. "Yes!" Zidane exclaimed. "Garnet's here!" He rushed to the front door, throwing it open. "Hello Gar- you're not Garnet."

_A/N: Yet another mysterious visitor. Who could it be this time? Yeah, I basically wrote this as one long story, but it was so ridiculously long, that I'm breaking it up into chapters. The natural breaks seem to be when new people arrive. Please review. Reviews are always appreciated._

**mikkimikka: Glad you like the story. Yeah, Zidane is hysterical. Dissidia just needed more girls for that feminine touch.**

**narutofan1091: No, Kuja wasn't at the door. Yes, some of the villains will make cameos and all get mentioned.**

**aaaa2636: Yeah, the thought of Zidane flirting with everyone even he has a girlfriend makes me laugh too. Now you know where Terra and the Onion Knight were, and guess what: Locke showed up! So yeah, someone (two someones) from VI were at the door. Yeah, Zidane did think of Squall and Cloud like that.**

**AkumaStrife: Yeah, expect even more fridge randomness; less gay jokes, but definitely lots of enchanted food.**

**Skyhanhunter: Here's the next chapter.**

**ReBeL NiGHT: I'm glad I'm not the only one who wanted to through all the girls (and some other characters) in Dissidia. I'm also glad you think I represent the characters well. I always try to keep characters in characters while giving my only little tweeks to them.**

**Angelalex242: Well Aerith didn't show up, but now Tifa has to worry about Terra...although it looks right now like Terra would rather tear Cloud's head off.**

**Lycropath: Nope, it was none of your guesses. It was Celes and Locke from Final Fantasy VI. Although who could be at the door this time?**


	3. Of Pirates and Chocobos

_A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I was aiming for ten reviews and I got eleven! Thanks for helping me be an overachiever! As always, your thoughts and comments are appreciated. Now let's see who the new visitor/visitors are at the mansion._

Chapter Three: Of Pirates and Chocobos

"You're not Garnet," Zidane said dejectedly.

"Nope, sorry to disappoint you," the auburn-haired girl said. "I'm Refia, and this is Arc."

"Hello Refia," Zidane said smoothly, completely ignoring Arc. "I'm Zidane."

She giggled. "Hello, Zidane," she said in an equally flirtatious tone.

"Better make sure it's a guy this time," Arc said, smirking.

Refia whirled around to kick Arc where the sun don't shine. Zidane winced. She turned to Zidane with a deceptively sweet smile. "Is Luneth here?"

"I'm sorry; Luneth is unable to come to the front door right now," Zidane said, imitating an answering machine. "He is currently preoccupied with hanging upside down from the ceiling of our lounge. But I can take you to see him if you'd like."

Both Arc and Refia stared at Zidane blankly. "Sure…" Refia muttered. "Come on, Arc."

"You kicked me in the balls," Arc moaned, following at a slightly slower pace.

"Hey, Luneth, your guests are here," Zidane announced.

"Hey Arc and Refia!" Luneth exclaimed, waving from his upside down position.

"Why are you hanging upside down?" Refia asked.

"I helped Cloud and Tidus lock Terra and Shantotto in a closet."

Both Arc and Refia stared at Luneth blankly.

"So when's Ingus coming?" Luneth asked, changing the subject.

"He couldn't come," Arc replied. "He had important 'kingdom issues.'"

Luneth stared at both of them blankly. "He got a date with Sara!" Refia explained.

"Way to go Ingus!" Luneth exclaimed. "Way to be the man and not be intimidated by the royalty."

"Says the one without a girlfriend," Arc muttered.

"Oh shut up, Arc. You're single too. So why are you two late anyways?"

"We got kidnapped by pirates," Arc replied.

"Awesome!"

"I know. And the best part was that Refia…"

"Ah," Refia interjected, interrupting the scholarly brunette.

"We just…"

"Ah."

"She…"

"Ah."

"Refia hit on a girl!"

Luneth died laughing. "Wow, Ref, I didn't think you swung that way."

Refia turned a deep shade of red. "I thought she was a guy! You thought Faris was a guy as well."

Bartz jerked upright. "Faris? Did she have long violet hair and a pet water dragon?"

"Yeah," Arc replied. "You seriously know her?"

"Faris is a mean, bossy, strict, and evil pirate captain who hates me," Bartz replied.

"That's my older sister you're talking about," Lenna said.

"Your older sister is a cross-dressing pirate?" Cecil asked.

"Well when you put it that way…" the pink-haired princess began. "…Yes."

"Admit it, Lenna," Bartz said. "Faris hates me."

"Well you have kind of earned her spite," Lenna mumbled.

"What! You can't take her side."

"Let's see, you enraged Syldra and nearly destroyed her ship in the process."

"Well, I didn't know Syldra would get that mad."

"You called her a lesbian."

"She's a cross-dressing pirate. My bad."

"You and Gilgamesh cut down two of the three masts on her ship…"

"Um, well…"

"So you're the guy Gilgamesh is looking for when he interrupts my sparring matches with Seifer," Squall said.

"Who's Seifer?" Zidane asked.

"My rival."

"You have a rival?" the genome asked.

"You set her ship on fire," Lenna continued.

"Okay, so I admit playing with matches was a stupid idea at the time…"

"At the time?" Cecil asked. "It's never a good idea."

"And let's not forget the time you created a warp hole into the Fourth Dimension, and…"

"Okay," Bartz exclaimed. "That one wasn't my fault."

"Well yes," Lenna conceded, "but…"

"Are you always getting into trouble?" Squall asked.

"I didn't intentionally cause a rift into the Fourth Dimension," the brunette mime protested. "It just sorta…happened. Not even Gilgamesh could explain it. What?"

Squall just shook his head. "You and Zidane are way more trouble than you're worth."

"So Terra, since my friends are here, mind if I get down?" Luneth asked.

"I suppose," the half-esper mage replied, breaking the rope which held Luneth.

"What about us?" Tidus asked angrily. "At least while our girlfriends are here."

"Fine," Shantotto muttered, blasting Cloud and Tidus down.

"Ow," Tidus moaned as he landed head-first.

"Just remember," Shantotto said in an eerily calm voice. "That I don't just play to get even: I play to win. So I may not get you today, and I may not get you tomorrow. But one of these days, Tidus, I _will_ get you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some things to attend to." Without another word, she warped out of the room.

"Is Firion out of the bathroom yet?" Tidus asked.

"Are you gonna be sick?" the Warrior of Light asked.

"Maybe," the blitzball player replied, sitting down on the couch next to Yuna.

Refia and Arc were staring at Cloud with huge eyes. "What?" the blond swordsman asked.

"Wow, Luneth wasn't kidding," Arc said. "You really do look like a chocobo."

Cloud frowned. "My hair does not look like a chocobo."

"Even chocobos think you're one of them," the Warrior of Light said calmly.

Cloud turned angrily to glare at him. "You are never to mention that incident again."

"You have to admit," Squall said with a blank, straight face. "That incident was hysterical."

"Yeah," Bartz said. "That was the only time I have ever seen Squall laugh."

"Okay, now I'm curious," RInoa said.

A still pale but no longer green Firion exited the bathroom. "I think I got all of the magicked food out of me," he muttered.

"So what where the side effects?" Shantotto asked, reappearing into the room.

"What!?" Firion exclaimed. "I'm not your test subject!"

"Hey Firion," Maria said. "What happened to Cloud involving chocobos?"

"Could you be a bit more specific? There's like ten instances. Do you mean him getting 'Boko'd' because that was funny the first time, but annoying every other time, Zidane."

"What's getting 'Boko'd?'" Yuna asked.

"Zidane will hide by Cloud and randomly yell out 'kweh' or 'wark!' Bartz thinks its his chocobo Boko and attacks Cloud, only to find out that it's not Boko," Tidus explained.

"Boko," Arc muttered. "Where have I heard that name before?"

"Maria is probably asking about that day when Bartz was really depressed," Cecil said, holding back a snicker.

Firion's eyebrows knit together in confusion before he fell to the ground laughing. "That was hysterical! You have no idea." It took him a good two minutes to recover."

"What happened?" Celes asked.

"Okay, so one day Bartz was really depressed because he missed Boko…" Firion started to say.

"So you get depressed over missing a chocobo and not me?" Lenna asked.

"You're my bright ray of sunlight that could never make me depressed," Bartz replied. "I'm always happy when I think about you."

"Smooth," Firion and Tidus whispered.

"Anyways," Firion continued, "Luneth and Zidane decided to do something about it, so they enlisted our resident chocobo-head to capture a replacement chocobo for Bartz."

"We only had the best intentions," Luneth explained earnestly.

Firion continued. "So they get Cloud out into the middle of the chocobo fields, hoping to attract a new chocobo friend to replace Boko."

"You could never replace Boko," Bartz lamented.

"What about me?" Lenna demanded.

"You could never even _try_ to replace you," Bartz said.

"So," a slightly annoyed Firion said, "Zidane decides to be smart and yell 'Wark!' just like a sexy, male chocobo, and then…" Firion just fell to the ground, slowly dying of laughter.

"What happened?" Tifa asked.

"The chocobos tried to mate with Cloud!" Luneth exclaimed as he, Tidus, Bartz, Zidane, Cecil, and Terra died of laughter.

Tifa looked at Cloud, bewildered. "Cloud, is that.."

"Yes, it's true," Cloud replied sullenly.

"Oh my gosh," she muttered, trying her hardest not to laugh.

"It's not funny," Cloud growled.

"Yes, it is," Squall said, a faint smile plastered across his face. Even the ever-calm Warrior of Light looked amused.

"You wouldn't have found it funny if you were being mauled by chocobos," Cloud replied.

"True," Squall said.

"Now I remember where I heard the name Boko before," Arc said. "Faris had a chocobo named Boko on her ship."

"What!?" Bartz exclaimed, leaping to his feet as his blue eyes filled with panic. "Faris is taking care of my darling little Boko. She's probably using it for some kind of cruel, forced labor, and…"

"It looked pretty healthy to me," Arc said.

"My sister may not be too fond of you," Lenna said. "But she isn't cruel to animals. She always takes good care of Boko."

"Well that's only slightly reassuring," Bartz said. "Wait! Always? You mean whenever someone else has to look after Boko, it's her?"

"Yeah," Lenna replied.

"When I leave, my poor little Boko is being watched after by Faris?"

"If Faris can take care of a water dragon, then she can take care of Boko," Lenna replied.

"My precious little Boko…"

"So I'm not precious to you."

"You're priceless."

"I'm what!?"

"It's supposed to be a good thing!" Bartz exclaimed. "Zidane, help me out here."

"You should totally break up with Bartz and start dating me," the blond genome said.

"Not helping," the brunette adventurer replied irritably.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Squall asked Zidane.

"Yeah…why do I feel weird every time you ask that?"

"Again," Squall said. "It's called guilt." Zidane opened his mouth to protest. "And again, it's called 'cheating on your girlfriend.'"

Cloud sighed, turning his gaze out the window which overlooked the front yard. Mako blue eyes widened in horror. "Oh crap."

_A/N: What did Cloud see? Yeah I basically have ended each chapter with a sort of cliffhanger. Sorry if it annoys people, but I wrote this as one chapter so the natural breaks tend to evince themselves at cliffhangers. Please review! (I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter.)_

**Oreramar: Yeah, it's actually probably "Shantotto and me." I always have fun with characters correcting each others' grammar. In this case, they are both wrong. Somehow Yuna is resting her head on Tidus' shoulder while he's upside down (use your imagination.) We'll eventually see how the Cloud and Terra War started. (Yes it is something minor, but no more spoilers.) Yep, it's Luneth's buddies! Go straight, nonslash, canon pairing! (Not sure if Marlene and Denzel will show up. I didn't plan for them to, but if enough people want them…)**

**Skyhanhunter: No, it's neither Setzer or Zack. Setzer just left Celes and Locke to go gambling somewhere. Yes, Zack should have been in Dissidia. T.T**

**Zar Antiquo: We'll see the villains show up in a few chapters; we're just getting started. I'm glad you like it so far.**

**MagicNein: I'm glad you think it's in character; I work so hard to keep my characters (well they're not mine) in character. No it's not Gilgamesh, but he might make an appearance. He gets mentioned though. (If he does show up, I'll make sure he brings snacks.)**

**A1b2c3d4e5f6g7h8: Beatrix might show up escorting Garnet…So she might interact with Celes.**

**Ghost Writer no. 3: Well, Terra calling all the guys morons is because she is basically the only girl there, and she is sick and tired of all their "guy" stuff. Plus, she and Cloud are at war right now, so she isn't too fond of him at the moment. Yeah, definitely a brother/sister type war.**

**Fireblast 123: I stole the "Oh $#!" line from Dissidialand, but I'm glad you appreciate it. Look out for the white mage coming soon; it's Refia (and Arc); Garnet is the last girlfriend to show up. I may throw in other random characters for the heck of it. I have no freaking clue who would show up from 11 either.**

**OneWingedHeron53: Well wait no more for this chapter; the rest is on its way as well. The lack of an Auron or Vincent or I don't know, female characters beside Terra and Shantotto, was definitely disappointing.**

**Mana Prism: I'm glad you were laughing, the point of this story is to make people laugh. Poor Terra is a bit sick of guys at this point (mostly due to Cloud and Zidane's constant flirting although he is ignoring her right now.) Plus, she has no set guy in her game, so I didn't exactly pair her with anybody in this. I like her with Edgar though so you never know…**

**Michieru Berujironu: Well this story isn't too long (as long as no random tangents suddenly hit me and then we go way off topic) so hopefully you'll get to leave a longer review then. I'll try to get this up as quickly as I have the time to. Yep, Luneth's friends are here; your foresight is scary.**

**Mikkimikka: I'm glad you like the story. It was Luneth's buddies, but you know that by now.**

_**Thank you reviewers!**_


	4. Quinn

_A/N:Thanks for all the reviews from my readers. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Priscilla is sort of an OC. She is my version of the white mage from Final Fantasy I. And Quinn…you'll see._

Chapter Four: Quinn (or Cloud Leaves and Priscilla Arrives)

The window shattered as Sephiroth leapt through, Masamune drawn. "Hello Cloud," he said in his cold, sinister voice.

"Sephiroth," Cloud spat, drawing the Buster Blade.

"Cloud, do you have to…" Tifa started to say, but Cloud had already charged Sephiroth. The former Shinra general easily ducked under Cloud's attacks, swinging his Masamune in a deadly arc towards the chocobo-head. Cloud leapt to the side, picking up a stray chair, which he hurled at Sephiroth. After destroying the chair, Sephiroth leapt toward Cloud, sending the blond crashing through another window before leaping out after him.

"Not again," Tifa muttered.

""Do they do that a lot?" Rinoa asked.

"All the time," Tifa explained. "You don't know how many times I have to make repairs to the Seventh Heaven because of their little feud."

"Seventh Heaven?" Terra asked.

"It's my bar."

"You work at a bar?" Squall asked. "I'm surprised you get any customers with Spike glaring them down."

"Cloud can be a major intimidation factor," Tifa acknowledged. "But he helps keep the fights to a minimum."

"Has he ever had to throw someone out?" Yuna asked.

"Sometimes," Tifa replied. "I throw out a lot of people. More than Cloud."

"_You_ throw people out?" Squall asked skeptically.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Tifa and Rinoa demanded at the same time.

"Just because she's a girl, does that mean she can't throw people out of a bar?" Rinoa asked.

"I never said that," Squall replied. "I just find it hard to believe that she can throw people out who are bigger than her."

"Would you like a demonstration?" Tifa asked in an eerily calm voice.

"No thank…" Squall's reply was cut short as Tifa grabbed him by the arm, jerked him to his feet, and forcefully threw him through the doorway where Terra had blasted the door off.

"You have got to teach me how to do that," Rinoa said.

"Years of martial arts," Tifa replied.

"You want to learn how to throw people when you can already blow up a room trying to kill a spider?" Squall asked, picking himself up off the ground.

"Well, it was big and hairy and had all these little eyeballs and…" Rinoa shuddered. "I hate spiders!"

"Well?" Tifa asked, staring straight at Squall.

"Impressive," the gunbladesman said simply.

"So what does Cloud do while you work at the bar?" the Warrior of Light asked.

"He runs the Strife Delivery Service," Tifa replied.

"Cloud a delivery boy!?" Tidus exclaimed. After a few seconds of silence, Tidus, Firion, Luneth, Zidane, and Bartz all burst out laughing.

The doorbell rang yet again. "Yes, finally!" Zidane exclaimed, rushing to the front door. "Gar- not again."

A beautiful young white mage stood in the door, mahogany tresses cascading down her back. "Is Quinn here?" she asked in a lyrical voice.

"Sorry, don't know a Quinn," Zidane said. "But I'll be happy to know a bit more about you, oh radiant beauty."

"Aren't you adorable? I'm Priscilla, and you might know Quinn as the Warrior of Light."

"Priscilla, what a beautiful name for such a…his name is Quinn!? One second." Zidane turned around and ran all the way back into the lounge. "Your name is Quinn!?"

All eyes turned expectantly toward the Warrior of Light. "Yes, how did you find out?"

"Some beautiful woman named Priscilla told me," Zidane replied.

"She's here!" the Warrior of Light exclaimed, leaping to his feet in a very uncharacteristic panic attack.

"Yep," the white mage said from the doorway, smiling. "I showed myself in. Is that all right?"

The Warrior of Light nodded numbly. "You said you weren't coming."

"I wanted to surprise you," she replied. "It's nice to see you, Quinn."

The other Cosmos Warriors snickered.

"It's nice to see you too," the Warrior of Light replied. "Although I want to know what everyone thinks is so funny."

"You're name is Quinn," Firion said, barely holding back a snicker.

"And your name is Firion," the Warrior of Light said. "It's better than Squall or Cloud."

"Or Butz!" Zidane and Luneth exclaimed in unison.

"My name is Bartz!" the brunette mime exclaimed.

"But still," Cecil continued. "Your name is Quinn?"

"Yes, my name is Quinn," the Warrior of Light said, slightly exasperated. "We all know Quinn is a funny name, now if you could just…"

"Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn," Zidane and Bartz whispered. "Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn…"

"Enough with the Quinn stuff!" the Warrior of Light exclaimed angrily. He turned back to the White Mage. "How are you, Priscilla?"

She smiled. "I am well. Are these your companions you spoke.

"Yes. The other warriors are Firion, Luneth, Cecil, Bartz, Terra, Cloud – who is not here – Squall, Zidane, Tidus and Shantotto – who is also missing. Our guests are Maria, Arc, Refia, Rosa, Ceodore…"

"Your baby is adorable," Priscilla told Rosa.

"Thank you," Rosa replied, cradling Ceodore.

"Lenna, Locke, Celes, Tifa, Rinoa, and Yuna."

"Why is she last?" Tidus asked.

"You have good memory with names," Luneth replied.

The Warrior of Light shrugged. "Everyone, this is Priscilla. She was the white mage of our party."

"So you're like the White Mage of Light?" Terra asked.

"Yes, but I hate that title," Priscilla replied. "Quinn always uses his title though."

"With a name like Quinn you would," Cecil muttered.

"Quinn is not a bad name," Priscilla said.

"Yes…but no one would have expected the Warrior of Light to be named Quinn," Firion said.

Zidane and Bartz suddenly started bowing to her.

"Um...did I do something?" she asked.

"If you can make the Warrior of Light lose his cool just at the mention of your name, you deserve to be worshipped," Zidane explained. "He totally freaked out when I mentioned you, lovely Priscilla."

Luneth's blue eyes suddenly went wide as he glanced at Zidane. "What?" the genome asked.

"I just realized something. You are hitting on the Warrior of Light's girlfriend. Dude, you are so dead."

"Actually Quinn and I are just friends," Priscilla started to say.

"Don't tell Zidane that you are single," Squall advised. "That automatically makes you fair game in his mind. EVEN THOUGH HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND."

"Why do I feel weird every time you say that?"

"Again, it's…" the Warrior of Light started to say.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Guilt."

"And you still haven't figured it out," Firion muttered.

"Hey Firion!" a too-happy Shantotto piped. "I got a favor."

"Are those my quesadillas?" Firion asked.

"Yes…" the Black Mage trailed off.

"What did you do to those?" Firion accused.

"Nothing…"

"You experimenting on them, didn't you?"

"You don't trust me?" Shantotto asked, feigning hurt. "I'm offended. Maybe I'm just trying to apologize for making you eat experimented bean burritos."

"They're purple!"

"Don't listen to her," Priscilla said. "She's nothing but a liar."

"Priscilla!" the Warrior of Light exclaimed.

Shantotto's dark eyes narrowed as she studied Priscilla. "Do I know you?"

"Priscilla Whiteshore," the beautiful white mage said. "Although you probably don't remember me."

"I recognize you," the short woman said. "I've seen you somewhere."

"You're that black mage who conned me out ten thousand gil."

The Warrior of Light looked from Priscilla to Shantotto in a mixture of shock and confusion. "How did she…?"

"Oh!" Shantotto exclaimed, recognition flashing in her dark eyes. "Now I remember. You're that silly little white mage who bought that fake crystal from me."

"Silly little?" Priscilla asked in a dangerously low voice.

"Now, now, Priscilla," the Warrior of Light said, hoping to appease the situation. "Remember the White Mage's Code."

"Stupid White Mage's Code," the woman muttered.

"She conned you out of ten thousand gil?" Tidus asked. "I told you all she was evil! But did you believe me? No…"

"Tidus, stop being such a drama queen," Squall muttered.

"Drama queen!?" an indignant Tidus exclaimed. "I'm serious. Shantotto is evil."

"Be quiet, boy," Shantotto ordered.

"No one here is 'evil' so to speak," Cecil said. "We all fight for Cosmos so we can't be evil."

"If you use that logic, then you're saying all of the Chaos Warriors are evil," Tidus said. "I don't consider Golbez evil."

Cecil remained silent at that.

"Wow, Tidus, that actually made a lot of sense," Firion muttered.

"Golbez is the exception to the rule then," the Warrior of Light said.

"You could sorta count Jecht as an exception also," Firion said.

"No…" Tidus said. "My dad is pure evil."

"Tiuds.." Yuna started to say.

"No, I'm serious. You know how most dads teach their sons to swim in shallow pools? Mine dropped me off in the middle of a shark-infested ocean and said 'See ya back at shore.' Then he left. It worked but that's not the point."

"Tidus," Yuna said. "You hold grudges for a long time."

"You know what my dad's like!"

"That's not the point. He's not all evil."

"He killed your father, and you say he's not all evil?"

"Deep down, he cares for you."

"You know, technically he doesn't even exist."

"Tidus, technically you don't even exist so shut up," Firion said.

"Wait, what?" Locke asked.

"Do not start with that whole 'dream of the fayth' topic," Squall said. "We wasted a whole ten hours trying to understand it last time. My brain still hurts just thinking about it."

"What's a 'dream of the fayth?'" Locke asked.

"Do you have any aeons on your world?" Tidus asked.

Locke shook his head.

"Eidolons?"

"Nope."

"Espers?"

"Not anymore."

"What do you mean 'not anymore?'"

"After we finally defeated Kefka, since he was the god of magic, all the magic in the world vanished. So all the espers died," Celes explained.

"So basically the espers created Tidus to be their hero," Terra explained. "Don't even try to understand it; it will just make your head hurt."

"Okay…" Celes said, trailing off.

"I know," Tidus said. "I'm a rather unique individual."

"That's for sure," Yuna muttered.

The doorbell rang yet again. "I'll get it," Zidane said, less enthusiastically than he usually was.

"One hundred gil it's not Dagger," Squall said.

"You're on," Bartz replied enthusiastically.

Zidane hesitantly opened the door before jerking back in surprise. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "You're not allowed here!"

_A/N: Yet another cliffhanger with someone at the door. Yes, I'm doing this on purpose; sorry if it bugs you. I think this is the last time I end the chapter with an unknown person at the door though. Hope you enjoyed the chapter._

**AkumaStrife: Yeah, I laughed at Zidane and his chocobo antics as well. Yep, it's Sephiroth.**

**Oreramar: Yeah, Bartz and Zidane need to be careful of what they do and/or say. The person was definitely a villain, and definitely from VII. Look for Denzel and Marlene in a few chapters.**

**Michieru Berujironu: Glad you like the story, but sorry it was Sephiroth. Hence the "Oh crap!"**

**Canis Cantus: Maybe we'll get some angry people from XII since they didn't make the cut on Cosmos' side. I'm glad you like the story so much.**

**mikkimikka: Yeah, we all feel sorry for poor Cloud. Yeah, I try to give all the characters equal time in the spotlight even if it's just random lines.**

**Ala Alba EC: Cloud definitely saw Sephiroth. Sorry about messing up the eye colors I meant to check it out on the characters I wasn't sure of, but obviously I forgot. At least now I got the eye color right. (I was about to say, they can't all be blue-eyed. My bad.)**

**Skyhanhunter: Well Sephiroth was who Cloud saw, but guess who's here now.**

**Ghost Writer no. 3: Glad you liked the parts with Bartz lamenting over Boko (even if Lenna doesn't appreciate it.) Nope, it was Sephiroth. Hence the "Oh crap!"**

**eliashoughton2814: Here's the update. Hope you like.**

**Scribbleness: Glad you like the story. I wanted to see more dissidia fanfiction so I decided to write my own.**


	5. Villains That Aren't Really Villains

_A/N: Once again, thanks to all my awesome reviewers out there. It's because of you guys that I feel inspired to keep writing my stories. Hope you enjoy this chapter._

Chapter Five: Villains (That Aren't Really Villains)

"You're not allowed here," Zidane told the armored figured in the doorway.

"What?" said figure asked. "Am I not allowed to see my baby brother?"

"No," Zidane replied.

"Hey Zidane, who's there?" Bartz called.

"Cecil's brother," came the reply.

"What!" Cecil exclaimed, leaping to his feet. He rushed into the front hallway. "What are you doing here?"

Golbez shrugged. "What? Can't a guy visit his baby brother?"

"Hey Theo," Rosa said with a smile.

"Hello Rosa," Golbez said. "How's my adorable godson?"

"Ceodore's great," Rosa said. "You'll have to take all that armor off if you want to hold him."

Golbez shrugged. "I'm not sure how long I'll be here," he said. "I really just dropped by to check on Cecil. Wait didn't Sephiroth drop by here earlier?"

"Yeah, but he left fighting Cloud," Luneth replied.

"Do you know where he went?"

"Nope."

--

_(Meanwhile, Cloud and Sephiroth tore through a sewer, slashing out at each other viciously. Upon losing his sword, Sephiroth pulls out a sewer gator and proceeds to beat Cloud with it a few times before discarding the slashed gator. He locates Masamune and attacks Cloud._

"_Wait did we just kill Ba'Gamnan?" Cloud asked, glancing back at the sewer._

"_Who cares?" Sephiroth replied, ducking under one of Cloud's attacks. He thrust forward, grazing Cloud on the side. Cloud counterattacked, launching himself into a new round of attacks.)_

_--_

"Can't you stay for at least ten minutes?" Rosa asked.

"I'd love to," Golbez said, "but I don't feel like I'd be welcome here. I am on Chaos' side."

"We know you're not evil," Zidane chimed.

"Yes, but Cecil is giving me a very unwelcoming look."

Rosa turned around and whacked Cecil on the head. "Be nice; he's your brother."

"No, I know," Cecil said, rubbing his head. "I'm just trying to figure out why he's here."

"I told you," Golbez said. "I basically just dropped by say hello and make sure you're being taken care of."

"Yes, but you usually have some kind of ulterior motive," Cecil muttered.

"He has a freaking brother complex," Firion commented from the kitchen. "He just won't admit it."

Cecil glanced at Golbez who just shrugged. "You are welcome to stay for as long as you'd like," the paladin said. "Or you could just stay forever, and stop being a villain."

"Maybe just a minute," Golbez muttered.

"We don't mind," Zidane said. "At least I don't mind." The genome pushed past Golbez, and looked around outside. "Please tell me you've seen a girl with short dark hair in orange."

"Sorry, I haven't," Golbez replied.

Zidane's tail hung limply between his legs. "She's never going to show."

"I'm surprised you even have a girlfriend," Cecil said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Zidane asked. "With my dashing good looks, sparkling personality, and scintillating wit, I have ladies practically crawling at my feet."

Cecil snorted. "First off, Zidane, you have none of those. Secondly, I'm surprised you have a girlfriend because you are constantly flirting with other girls."

"Not constantly…"

"You hit on every single girl here," Firion muttered as he dug through one of the cabinets.

"What are you doing?" Cecil asked.

"Looking for something edible not touched by our resident black mage," the weapons-master replied. "I get the feeling that nothing in the fridge is safe."

"You are overreacting," Bartz said, peeking into the fridge. He cried out in surprise, slamming the door shut. "The coleslaw just moved."

"Really?" Zidane asked, peering into the fridge. He cried out, slamming the door shut. "It just ate the potato salad."

"Let's just leave the fridge alone," Cecil said. "We can talk with Shantotto later."

"I'm glad you're taking this calmly," Bartz said. "Because it was your potato salad."

Cecil stopped dead in his tracks. "Shantotto!"

The doorbell rang again. "I'm not getting it," Zidane said dejectedly. "It won't be her."

"I'll get it," Bartz said after the second knock. He opened the door, blue eyes widening in shock. "Hey Zidane, you'll never guess who showed up!"

"Garnet!" he exclaimed, rushing into the hallway. He stopped dead in his racks when he saw who it really was. "What are you doing here?"

"Who's here?" Terra asked, glancing in the hallway. "Jecht?"

"Hey, is Golbez here?" the muscular villain asked.

"What are you doing here?" an angry Tidus demanded, entering the hallway.

"Do you want the whole truth or half the truth?" the muscular man asked.

"The whole truth," the blond blitzball player replied.

"Well, I'm here under the façade of looking for Golbez, but I knew he'd come here with that brother complex of his, so I'm really just using that as an excuse to come bug my little crybaby."

"I am not a crybaby," Tidus growled. "I am a grown man."

"Yeah, well you start acting like one, and I'll start treating you like one," Jecht said, stretching backwards. "So what are you all doing inside anyways?"

"We have guests," Tidus said tersely. "Now leave. You're not welcome."

"You let Golbez in."

"He's not evil."

"Didn't Sephiroth come here looking for Cloud?" Jecht asked.

"Yes, but they left in the midst of their fight."

"Well where are they now?"

"Do I look like I know?"

_--_

_(Meanwhile, Cloud and Sephiroth tore through the middle of a Square Enix office building, taking down several desks in the process, as well as destroying the plans for yet another Final Fantasy VII spinoff with various materia attacks. Sephiroth knocked one guy down._

"_Hey watch it!"_

"_Excuse me, but who are you?"_

"_Tetsuya Nomura, I created you."_

_Sephiroth's green eyes narrowed viciously. "You!"_

_Cloud glanced at Sephiroth in confusion. "Who's the Japanese dude?"_

"_He's the guy who screwed us all over in Kingdom Hearts. Get him!"_

_So the two temporarily called a truce to attack Tetsuya Nomura.)_

_--_

"Is that any way to treat your father?"

"You are not my father. Auron was more of my father than you were."

"You did not just say that," Jecht said.

"Auron was around more than you were," Yuna commented.

"Oh, isn't that your girlfriend?" Jecht asked.

Tidus groaned in frustration. "Leave now."

"At least let me say hello to Braska's girl."

"No. You're not welcome here. Go."

"You just don't want me telling embarrassing stories about your childhood in front of your girlfriend."

"Like when you threw me in a shark-infested ocean?"

"I don't see why you're still upset about that. It worked."

"You threw me – as an infant – into the middle of the ocean."

"It worked."

"It was cruel and inhumane."

"It worked."

"It shows what kind of parent you are."

"It _worked._"

Tidus glared at his father. "I'm not going to win this argument, am I?"

"Nope," Jecht said with a smirk. "Crybabies never win."

"I am not a crybaby, dad. I'm strong enough to beat you."

"You'll always be a crybaby in my eyes…wait. Is that a challenge?"

Tidus drew his blade. "Interpret it however you like."

Jecht drew his own peculiar blade (vaguely fashioned like a shovel) and squared off against Tidus. "Those are fighting words."

"Not in the house," the Warrior of Light said. "We have several training rooms, and a spacious front yard. Cloud and Sephiroth already tore up the lounge. We have many valuable vases in the entryway. I don't care if you fight, just not in the house."

"You're so tense," Priscilla almost purred, causing him to shudder almost involuntarily. She moved the Warrior of Light to one of the large sofas in the room.

"That can be seen as sexual harassment," Firion commented.

Priscilla just smirked,

"Where's Zidane?" Cecil suddenly asked, looking around the room.

"I'll go find him!" Bartz exclaimed, rushing off.

"Those two…" Squall muttered, resting his head in his hands. Rinoa patted his arm comfortingly.

"So where are these training rooms?" Jecht asked. "I need to teach this crybaby here a lesson."

"You couldn't teach anyone a lesson," Tidus countered.

"You know what…"

"What Dad?" Tidus demanded angrily.

The clicking sound of two guns being loaded interrupted their argument. Yuna stood between Tidus and Jecht, a handgun pointed at both men's necks. "No one says another word, and we all sit down like civilized people, okay?"

"He started it," Tidus protested,

Yuna pressed the barrel of her gun closer to Tidus' neck with a warning growl.

"Yes dear," Tidus said quietly, sitting down obediently.

"Man, you let your woman boss you around like a crybaby," Jecht said with a smirk. He suddenly found himself staring down the barrels of both of Yuna's guns. "You next," she said with a darkly sweet smile. Jecht said down without further protest.

"Jecht," Golbez said. "I was wondering how our bet is going."

"Well so far it looks like you are winning and I'm losing," Jecht replied.

"You made a bet?" Cecil asked.

"All the Chaos Warriors did," Golbez replied. "Except the Emperor and Ultimecia since the bet's about them."

"Elaborate," Terra said.

"Well the Emperor and Ultimecia went on a date…"

"Wait, what!?" Firion, Maria, Squall, and Rinoa exclaimed.

"That's what we said," Jecht muttered.

"So we took sides over how much money Ultimecia will get him to spend," Golbez continued. "I'm on the side that says she will cozen him out of at least 1,000,000 gil."

"That's a lot of money," Luneth mumbled, violet eyes wide.

"No duh, genius!" Refia and Arc exclaimed.

Squall suddenly stood up to leave without a word. "Where do you think you are going?" Rinoa demanded.

"My troublemaker senses are tingling; I'll be right back."

"Something tells me that Bartz and Zidane are going to be in a lot of trouble," Cecil commented.

"When are they not in trouble?" Terra asked.

"Point taken." Cecil's nose suddenly twisted in disgust. "Rosa, kid's got a stinky."

"You can take care of it," the blond white mage replied.

Cecil sighed. "Somehow I knew you'd say that." He stood up and head to the restroom.

"Forgetting something?" Rosa asked, holding up a diaper bag.

"What would I do without you?" Cecil asked.

"Sometimes I wonder," Rosa replied with a smile.

Several cries of protest rang out through the hallway. "It wasn't our fault." "We didn't do it." Ow, that hurts." "Let go."

Squall kicked open the door, dragging Bartz and Zidane behind him. He tossed them on the ground like ragdolls. "I apologize to whomever owns the motorbike outside…it has ceased to exist."

"Which motorbike?" Tifa asked, almost wincing.

"It was the only motorbike out there," Squall replied.

"That's what I was afraid of," Tifa replied.

"I'm sorry they broke you bike," Squall replied.

"It wasn't mine."

"Oh, then who…Oh."

"Yeah."

"Oh what?" Zidane asked.

"Wait," Terra started to say. "I'm confu…you are so dead."

Realization dawned in Cecil's, Tidus', Firion's, and the Warrior of Light's eyes.

"Care to explain what the big deal is?" Bartz asked.

Before anyone could answer, however, a girly, high-pitched scream pierced the air, followed by the anguished cry of "MY BIKE!!!!"

_A/N: Guess which bike it is, and who it belongs to. Zidane and Bartz are so dead lol. Please review people; I got eleven in the second chapter so I'm trying to get more. I won't update until I get twelve reviews so please review if you want the next chapter. The part with the alligator was inspired by the chicken fights in Family Guy, and the part with Nomura was just a random idea. I don't hate him, but someone must be bashed for the sake of the story. This chapter just happened to be him._

**Oreramar: No the fight wasn't the main focus, but I added a few glimpses of it in this chapter. We'll see the outcome in the next one. Yeah, it could worse than Quinn. Bob…hmm. I never thought of that lol. Let's just assume they went out the night before or two nights ago and ate a Mexican food place, and thus had leftovers. Yeah…that works. No, it's not Kuja; he comes **_**after**_** Garnet shows up. (If she ever shows up.)**

**Mikkimikka: Glad you liked the name Quinn. Yep, it was Golbez, one of Chaos' minions…er warriors.**

**Ala Alba EC: I was thinking more along the lines of Priscilla ending up in XI's world, but I still don't know how that worked out. It wasn't Kuja, but it was a villain. Quinn is an Irish Gaelic name that means "counsel" but it's actually more of a joke between a friend and me. I wanted something that was funny, but fitting.**

**Skyhanhunter: Quinn is supposed to be anticlimactic. Yeah, both girls automatically assumed Squall was making a sexist comment (which he kinda was.) Yes, Shantotto is most definitely evil. Tidus does have a "I don't really exist" complex, doesn't he? It was Golbez.**

**GreenOpalus: Garnet comes much later, but I promise her entrance will be classy. (Or just funny.)**

**OneWingedHeron53: Well I don't have any kind of Playstation network, so I wouldn't know.**

**Eliashoughton2814: Glad you like the story, here's the update.**


	6. The Right to Kill

_A/N: Sorry this took so long to update. Thanks for all the reviews, I got so many! You guys rock! Hopefully you like this chapter as much as the last one. (The next update won't take this long, I swear.)_

Chapter Six: The Right to Kill

Luneth's violet eyes grew wide. "Ooh…You broke Cloud's bike. You're gonna be in trouble."

Zidane's blue eyes shot open. "Wait, we crashed Cloud's bike!?"

Cloud kicked down the door, sending it flying off the hinges, straight into Luneth. (A different one from the door Terra blasted down earlier.)

"Is it national hit Luneth with doors day?" the Onion Knight asked.

Cloud's mako blue eyes were merciless. "Who did it?" he demanded.

However, all eyes were on the silver-haired figure whom Cloud had dragged in, beaten and bloody, by his hair.

"Um…what did you do to Sephiroth?" Golbez asked, eying the unconscious ex-Shinra general warily.

"Business," Cloud replied tersely. "Why do you even care?"

"Well, we're not fond of the guy," Jecht said. "But we do still work with him, so we are a little concerned that you killed him."

"I'm not dead yet," Sephiroth muttered, glaring at the boy who was just about to poke him. "Touch me and die." Luneth whimpered and darted behind Cloud for protection.

"Who did it?" Cloud reiterated. "Who crashed Fenrir?"

"Fenrir?" Terra asked.

"My bike," Cloud replied. "Who destroyed it?"

"It was Bartz and Zidane!" Luenth exclaimed.

"What!" Zidane exclaimed. "Tattle-tale."

"You told on Tidus, Cloud, and me!" Luneth replied. "We're even."

Cloud turned his murderous gaze on the two Cosmos Warriors. "You wrecked my bike."

"It's…um…it's not _that_ bad," Zidane said.

"You totaled it! There is nothing left."

Zidane sweat-dropped. "Just so you know…it was Bartz's fault!"

"What!" the brunette exclaimed. "My fault?"

"You were the one who wanted to see it."

"_See_ it. I never said anything about touching it. It was your idea to take it on a joy ride."

"It was a test run, not a joy ride."

"Oh you took it on a joy ride," Squall muttered.

"Not helping, Squall," Zidane hissed, casting nervous glances at the menacingly approaching Cloud. "Bartz, there's only one thing to do in a situation like this…Squall!"

The gunblade warrior looked up in shock as the two darted behind him, cowering in terror. "Squall, you'll be the mean cat and protect us from the big, bad Cloudy-bird, right?" Bartz asked hopefully.

Rinoa shot Squall a question look, to which he rolled his eyes in response.

"Sure, I'll help you…Cloud."

"Wait what!?" the genome exclaimed.

Squall grabbed both Bartz and Zidane by their collars, holding both out in front of him. "Now you have an easy target."

"Thank you," Cloud said, pulling his sword back. "Omni…"

"Cloud!" Tifa exclaimed, halting him mid-strike. "Don't you think that's a little extreme?"

"No," Cloud replied. "Two omnislashes would be extreme. This is just letting them know I mean business."

Tifa continued to stare at Cloud with one eyebrow raised.

"Squall you traitor!" Bartz exclaimed. "How could you do this to us?"

"Let's see: you've hung me upside down from a tree, you stole my gunblade, you broke my gunblade, you've trashed my room multiple times, you've mocked me I don't know how many times, you left me to fend off a large group of monsters by myself, you stole my clothing to mock me, and you thought I was gay." Squall glanced up at Cloud. "Actually, I think I have more rights to kill them."

"They crashed Fenrir," Cloud simply stated.

"Squall's got a point," Terra said. "They have messed with him more."

"That's irrelevant," Cloud muttered.

"Terra!" Bartz exclaimed. "You're supposed to be on our side: the fun side!"

"This is the fun side," Cloud replied tersely. "All right. We'll compromise. I'll kill Zidane, and you kill Bartz."

"How about no one kills us?" Bartz suggested meekly.

Both Cloud and Squall glared at them.

"Hey, Warrior of Light, help us out here," Zidane said.

"We have Phoenix Downs," the Warrior of Light said calmly.

"Is anyone on our side?" Bartz asked frantically.

"I'm on your side," Lenna input hesitantly.

"Then get over here and rescue us!" Zidane yelled.

"I'm on Bartz's side, not your side," Lenna told the genome.

"What!" Zidane's gaze fell on the menacing Cloud and Squall. "On the bright side, I know what guilt is now. I am deeply sorry for doing all those mean things to you guys."

"Oh, that's not guilt," Cloud said casually. "That's terror. You're scared that we're finally going to kill you."

"Do you have pictures of all the funny stuff you did to Squall?" Rinoa asked suddenly.

"Rinoa…" Squall growled, knowing where this was going.

"Of course," Zidane mumbled. "I guess you can have them once we're dead."

"Well if you show me those pictures, I'll protect you from the big bad Squall."

"Don't encourage them," Squall hissed.

"Really?" Bartz asked, brown eyes wide.

Rinoa nodded.

"Yes!" Zidane exclaimed, leaping out of Squall's grasp. "Thank you! You are my new best buddy!"

"Rinoa…" Squall growled.

She smiled sweetly at her knight. "I'll see you in a few minutes, Squall."

Bartz and Zidane grabbed Rinoa's hands and proceeded to drag her down the hall. Squall glared at them as they left.

Cloud smirked. "You're jealous of a monkey and a happy-go-lucky adventurer."

Squall glared at the chocobo-head. "We've had this discussion before, Cloud. Men aren't jealous; they're possessive."

"Women are not objects," Tifa snapped.

"That doesn't stop men from being possessive," Jecht replied. "I use to be very possessive of my wife."

"And then you left us," Tidus muttered.

"Hey, not my fault," Jecht said. "One minute I was sailing the seas of Zanarkand, next I'm waking up in Besaid one thousand years later. Do you think I liked being thrown into the future?"

"You didn't come home."

"I got turned into Sin! I didn't exactly get a chance."

The click of Yuna turning off the safety on her guns silenced everyone in the room. Her heterochromatic eyes glared at Tidus.

He sweat-dropped. "Um…you're not really going to shoot us, right dear?"

Her gaze remained unreadable. "I don't know, Tidus. Are you prepared to continue this childish argument with your father?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it childish," Tidus began but stopped when Yuna pointed her gun at him. "Shutting up."

"Hey, where did Squall go?" Firion asked, looking around.

"He said something about going to rescue Rinoa from the 'clutches of an evil almost akin to the Chaos Warriors,'" Terra said.

"I'm offended," Jecht said. "I mean it's completely true, but I'm still offended."

"You and Golbez are the least evil out of all the Choas Warriors," Sephiroth muttered. He glared at the three youngest kids in the room. "If you poke me with that broom, then you will know the meaning of hell on earth."

Luneth squeaked as he, Refia, and Arc rushed to hide behind Cloud. "Cloud, protect us from the scary, silver-haired freak!"

"Guys, he can't move," Cloud said, smiling reassuringly at the three kids. They only clung more tightly to the blond warrior.

"I am not a freak," Sephiroth snapped.

"The only 'freaks' in the Chaos Warriors are Kefka, Kuja, and the Cloud of Darkness," Jecht muttered. "Of course, Kuja is the only one whom we actually call a freak."

"Then what do you call Kefka or the Cloud of Darkness?" Cecil asked.

"Kefka is Psycho and the Cloud of Darkness…" Golbez trailed off. "Well, I can't say her name because there are children present."

"That's kind of harsh," the Warrior of Light said.

"Have you seen the way she dresses?"

"What do they call you brother?" Cecil asked, changing the subject slightly.

"Traitor," Jecht and Sephiroth spat at the same time.

"I can't believe you're actually being civil," Tifa commented to Sephiroth.

"I can't exactly move," Sephiroth replied. "I'm stuck here until I can."

"Cloud, what did you do to him?" the Warrior of Light asked.

"Actually, I only beat him up a little bit," Cloud replied. "We got mauled by Bahamut SIN."

"Oh my gosh!" Tifa exclaimed. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, Teef," Cloud said. "Sephiroth took the brunt of the attack."

"Because you used me as a human shield," Sephiroth snapped.

"Guilty as charged," Cloud responded smugly.

"How did you run into Bahamut SIN anyways?" Terra asked.

"Well, attacking Tetsuya Nomura probably wasn't the smartest idea," Cloud muttered.

"That guy that screwed us over in Kingdom Hearts?" Tidus asked. "I would have attacked him too. He turned me into a kid again!"

"Kid?" Yuna asked. "I was six inches tall!"

"You didn't have to change your name to Leon and work with a person who makes Selphie look normal," Squall commented from the doorway.

"Looks like you rescued Rinoa from Zidane and Bartz," Terra observed.

Squall shrugged as Rinoa proceeded to drag him to the front door. "Come on," she said. "You promised to show me around."

Squall just looked back at the other Cosmos Warriors with a roll of his eyes. "…Later."

"What is this 'Kingdom Hearts' you guys were talking about?" Lenna asked.

"I remember Setzer mentioning it once," Locke casually mentioned.

"It's a long story," Cloud said. "It would take too long to explain."

"Longer than our 'Dream of the Fayth' discussion?" Firion asked.

"Probably."

"Longer than our "We all know a Cid' one?" Terra asked.

"Not that long."

"I'm not sure we ever finished that discussion," the Warrior of Light commented.

"I'm not sure we did either," Terra said.

"A 'We all know a what' discussion?" Locke asked.

"Turns out there's a Cid in each of our worlds," Terra replied. "In our world, he's…"

"Cid Del Norte Marquez," Celes said, smiling fondly at the memory.

"And we have Cid of the Lufaine," Priscilla supplied.

"Cid Highwind's from our world," Tifa said.

"Highwind?" Rosa asked. "Like Kain…"

"No, they're not related," Cecil said. "Although apparently they're both blond."

"I don't understand why or how," Cloud said. "But we all know a Cid." He stood up abruptly. "Now if you'll excuse me…"

"Cloud, where are you going?" Tifa asked.

"Squall got Rinoa away from the troublemakers," Cloud said. "Which means they're once again fair game."

"Cloud…" Tifa said warningly.

"I won't hurt them…beyond repair." Before Tifa could say anything else, Cloud left the room in search of Zidane and Bartz. Tifa sighed. "It was just a bike."

"Personally I've lost all sympathy for Zidane when he flirted with me nonstop after the Cosmos Warriors met," Terra muttered. "Come on, he has hit on every female here."

"What!?" a soft but enraged voice asked.

--

"So why did you drag me all the way out here?" Squall asked Rinoa, glancing around the small garden. "I mean it's nice here and all, but…"

"Oh so you don't want my company?" Rinoa pouted. "Then maybe I'll go and find Zidane or Cloud. I'm sure _they_ would appreciate me." She turned to as if leave, but felt an iron grip around her wrist.

"You will do nothing of the kind," Squall growled almost possessively, pulling her back into his arms.

"Oh really?" Rinoa asked. "And what will you do to stop me?"

Squall's eyes gleamed almost uncharacteristically mischievously. "If I remember correctly, a certain someone is extremely ticklish on her sides."

Rinoa's eyes widened in mock horror. "You wouldn't dare…"

Squall just smirked, playfully lunging toward the sorceress. She squealed, leaping away from him, only to find her back flat against a tree. Squall grinned triumphantly as he walked over to her, placing his hands on her waist. "I really missed you."

"Oh really?" Rinoa asked, eyes twinkling. "How much?"

Squall learned forward about to kiss her when he heard rustling in the leaves above. Quickly glancing up, he suddenly scowled.

"What is it?" Rinoa asked, following his gaze upward.

"Oh don't mind us," the genome said. "We're just hiding from Cloud."

"Then why does Bartz have a camera?" Squall demanded.

"I was hoping I could get a picture of Zidane being mauled by a blue jay again," Bartz said, "but we almost got a picture of you not acting like you. Then Zidane had to ruin it, but…"

While Bartz was rambling, Squall gently lifted Rinoa and moved her out of the way before kicking the tree. Zidane and Bartz immediately tumbled down, the genome hitting the ground first.

"There you are!" a vengeful voice exclaimed. Zidane and Bartz tensed as their gaze flicked over to the furious Cloud.

"I'm holding my position earlier," Squall said, unsheathing his gunblade. "I do have more right to kill them than you do." He took one step toward the terrified duo, but Rinoa placed herself in front of them protectively. "Look, Squall; I know they did some embarrassing things to you, but that's no reason to kill them."

"Rinoa, move," Squall ordered.

She shook her head in response.

"Looks like there's only one solution left," Cloud observed.

"Apparently," Squall agreed. He and Cloud stood still for a moment before moving. Squall lunged forward, grabbing Rinoa and slinging her over his shoulder. "They're all yours Cloud." The blond warrior unsheathed the Buster Blade and pointed it at the two troublemakers.

"Squall Leonhart put me down this instant!" Rinoa demanded, pounding on her back with weak punches.

"Rinoa, save us!" Zidane and Bartz cried, clinging to each other for dear life.

"Look, our savior!" Bartz exclaimed before flinging his camera at Cloud's head. The brunette hastily rushed past the stunned ex-SOLDIER to freedom. Zidane tried to follow suit, but ended up tripping to the ground.

"Now," Cloud said menacingly, pointing his blade at the fallen genome. "Where were we? I remember! Omni…"

"Wait!" All three Cosmos Warriors (and Rinoa) turned to see the newcomer. A girl with short, dark hair framing her face, wearing an orange leotard-like outfit over a white blouse approached them.

"Dagger!" Zidane exclaimed joyfully.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill my boyfriend," the girl said.

Cloud sighed. "Look, if you knew what he…"

Her concerned gaze grew hard. "Because as I understand it, he has been hitting on every girl here even though I'm his girlfriend. I think I have the most right to kill him." The joy and relief in Zidane's cerulean gaze quickly melted to horror.

Cloud and Squall glanced at each other with a shrug. "You win." They proceeded to walk away.

"What!" Zidane exclaimed. "You can't just…" His gaze flickered nervously to the approaching princess. "Garnet, Dagger, sweetheart…You know you look amazingly hot when you're furious…I love you."

"That's right you better sweet-talk me," the girl said, drawing her staff.

"Squall Leonhart, I order you to put me down this instant." Although Rinoa had ceased punching and kicking, she had yet to stop talking.

"Is she always this noisy?" Cloud asked.

Squall shrugged. "You should see her on a bad day."

"_She_ is right here on your shoulder," Rinoa snapped.

A scream broke the late afternoon silence. Bartz came rushing toward Squall and Cloud. "Help me, save me! I don't care if you kill me. It's better than her killing me. At least you guys will be humane. But she…she's out for my blood. She'll torture me in numerous ways before slaughtering me…slowly. Please, I beg you."

Before either Cloud or Squall could reply, a furious female voice yelled, "BARTZ KLAUSER!"

_A/N: Yet another cliffhanger. Since no one seems to be complaining about the guessing game at the end of each chapter, and someone actually likes it, I will continue to have a "Guess Who?" part. Thanks again to all my wonderful reviewers. I hope Garnet's entrance was worth the wait. Please tell me your favorite part if you had one. Also, just so I don't give the wrong impression, I am a huge fan of Kingdom Hearts and liked the inclusion of Final Fantasy characters. I know some people didn't like how the characters' personalities were altered, but I don't mind any of the changes. My whole rant against Kingdom Hearts was meant for humor and is in no way true of my opinions. _

**Michieru Berujironu: Yep, definitely Cloud.**

**Eliashoughton2814: Here's the update. Glad you liked**

**GreenOpalus: It's Cloud.**

**Fireblast123: Well Cloud hasn't killed them…yet. But he's tried to. Sorry about the not rhyming Shantotto. I did not know she did that until after you mentioned it. Then again, talking in rhyme is hard.**

**Mikkimikka: Yep, it's Cloud's bike. And Zidane finally has Garnet (although she's a little ticked.)**

**Mana Prism: Yeah the Ba'Gamnan thing was just a last-minute random thought. Well it seems Tetsuya Nomura had a few tricks up his sleeve, and I actually liked the Final Fantasy characters in Kingdom Hearts. It was just for humor. Well I like the Yuna from X-2 as well as the original one, and the guns are more threatening. It's definitely Cloud.**

**Forgetful Troper Mariko: Yep, Fenrir and Cloud.**

**Canis Cantus: Yep, it's Fenrir. Um…I don't know much about XI and it may be hard since all the players are made by the players basically, but I may be able to find one or two. Expect some XII characters to random show up (especially a vengeful Vaan since he didn't make the cut.)**

**Ala Alba EC: Yeah, I'm trying to correct my eye color mistakes. I love Golbez too. It was Cloud and his bike Fenrir.**

**Kiari the Hell Cat: It's Cloud's bike, and they crashed it. No wait, they totaled it.**

**Skyhanhunter: I wish they had more girls in Dissidia too!**

**Oreramar: Seriously this review was so long that it made my day. Thanks! Well Golbez is kinda lovable under all that armor. Ba'Gamnan's an alligator-like creature from XII. Shantotto just likes to do whacky experiments in my opinion. Yeah, Jecht knows that in the end it works, and Tidus is bound to keep getting on Yuna's bad side. And the Fourth Wall is briefly broken once again in this chapter. Um, I think the Emperor and Ultimecia work together in Dissidia hence why everyone pairs them together (for some people you don't even need a reason). Yes, our dark knight is slowly being domesticated. Yes, Bartz and Zidane did pick the wrong person to mess with. No power tools, they just took it on a joy ride and crashed it into something big. Well they survive only because it seems other people want them dead too.**

**': I guess I shouldn't put my standards too high, but hey it worked! I apologize if that offended anyone.**

**AkumaStrife: Yep, it's Cloud. Here's another guessing game.**

**Alkeron: I want to know what you think!**

**Ray1: Yeah, poor Cloud…no wait, poor Bartz and Zidane. Although they haven't died yet (well Zidane's in trouble, but he might be able to sweet-talk his way out of it.) Cecil's got a lovely life and family. Yuna's method of diplomacy is the most direct and effective.**

**TruePrime: Yeah, poor Nomura although he somehow set Bahamut SIN on them. Don't worry. I will revive the Terra vs. Cloud war next chapter. (It's called Terra's Revenge. Cloud kinda left to fight Sephiroth almost immediately after he got down from the ceiling so Terra's had no Cloud to get revenge on. But now he's back so…)**

**Cerulean's Rose: Yeah, Luneth's the Onion Knight (at least in his alternate costume and the remake version of FFIII). Zidane finally got to meet Garnet, but she's not happy with him at the moment.**

**Nanabe: I'm so glad you like the way I do the characters and dialogue. Yeah, my view is that Tifa borrowed the bike to get there, and also wanted to give it to Cloud. However, our resident troublemakers got a hold of it first so…**

**19 reviews!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!!**


	7. Terra's Revenge

_A/N: Here's the next chapter. Twenty reviews! (12 on the first day alone.) You guys are so completely and totally awesome! Thank you so much! I think I promised this a bit sooner, but with mid-terms coming up…Enjoy!_

Chapter Seven: Terra's Revenge

An androgynous female (they were assuming it was female) with long violet hair came storming over toward Bartz. The brown-eyed Cosmos Warrior hid behind Squall and Cloud, trembling in terror. She stopped in front of them, hands on her hips. "Step aside," she ordered.

"What did he do?" Cloud asked.

"Let's just say it's enough to give me reason to kill him," the woman replied, "regardless of whether you are adverse to it or…"

"Oh, we're not adverse to you killing him," Squall said. "But we have our own reasons as well. We're just trying to see who has the best reason."

"What are yours?" the woman asked.

"He crashed my motorbike," Cloud said.

"Actually that was Zidane's idea. He wanted to drive; I just wanted to see it," Bartz interrupted in a small voice.

"Did you try to stop him?"

"…No."

"He hung me upside down from a tree, stole my stuff, trashed my room, mocked me, and done countless other pranks," Squall said.

"Most of which were harmless although I can see you being mad over them photographing it," Rinoa said. "And I would love it if you set me down on the ground."

"He destroyed my ship countless times, call me a lesbian in front of my crew, created a warphole into the fourth dimension…" the woman began.

"Hey, no fair Captain Faris Meany-Pants," Bartz said. "That one wasn't my fault."

"Was this one not your fault?" Faris demanded angrily, holding up a picture in front of Bartz.

"That was my fault," he acknowledged in an even smaller voice.

"What did he do?" Cloud asked.

"Um can I get done?" Rinoa asked.

Faris showed the picture up to show Squall and Cloud. "He did this to my boat and personal cabin."

"Hyne, how did he get an elephant…?" Squall started to ask.

"We're still trying to figure that one out," Faris replied.

"Let me see," Rinoa ordered, craning her neck in an attempt to see the picture. Cloud held it up for her to see. "How did he…?"

"Again, we're still trying to figure that one out. Now who do you say has the most reason to commit homicide?"

"Go right ahead." Cloud and Squall stepped away from the mime.

"No, don't let her get to me!" Bartz exclaimed. "Someone help. Lenna!"

The pink-haired princess rushed over to her sister. "Faris, I know that he has damaged your ship, but…" Faris showed her the picture. "Good grief, how did he get an elephant…?"

"We don't know. Again, we're still trying to figure that one out. Still taking his side?"

"I'm not taking his side, sister, I just…"

"You always take his side."

Lenna looked down at her feet. "I just don't want you to kill him." She looked back up at her sister with a puppy-dog face. "Please promise me that you'll not kill him."

"Fine," Faris said, "but I'm still going to beat him to a bloody pulp."

"Faris, that's not what I…" Lenna started to say.

Bartz's brown eyes went wide in horror. "Wait, you can't…" He took off running back toward the house, Faris close at his heels.

"That was weird," Rinoa said. "Now will you set me down?"

"So when's the last time you fought Ultimecia?" Cloud asked Squall.

"Um hello?" Rinoa asked.

"I haven't seen or heard from her in over a week," Squall replied. "It's actually nice."

"Hello, beautiful woman on your shoulder," Rinoa snapped.

"I was thinking maybe we could head back to Traverse Town or Hollow Bastion," Cloud continued.

"And she'd really like to get down."

"I thought we agreed not to go back there until our contracts forced us to," Squall said.

"And she hates it when people IGNORE her."

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could battle some heartless for practice and try and learn a few new limit breaks," Cloud replied.

"That might be nice," Squall replied.

"You know what would be really nice?" Rinoa asked. "If you set me on the ground!"

"Of course we could just do that easily here," Squall said.

"Well I'd see Tifa more in Hollow Bastion," Cloud replied with a shrug.

"I might see Rinoa more here," Squall countered.

"'Rinoa' is still here on your shoulder, and really wants to get down. And she'd love to see your face, not your backside. Even if it is a nice backside. And I will embarrass you all day until you let me down."

"So have you created a Renzokuken Version II yet?" Cloud asked.

"I'm going to start talking nonstop if you don't let me down!"

"Hey Cloud do you have a silence material on you?" Squall asked.

"If you cast that spell…"

Cloud pulled the small orb out of his pocket, immediately casting the spell on the sorceress, stopping her mid-rant. "Ah, quiet."

--

Everyone looked up as Squall entered the room, Rinoa still slung over his shoulder. "Why are you?" Terra started to ask.

"Long story," Squall replied, dropping Rinoa on the couch. She glared up at him.

A distinct thud followed by a loud cry of "Damn it!" caught everyone's attention.

"Watch your step, Strife!" Squall called.

"Screw you Leonhart!" came the reply.

"What happened to Cloud?" Tifa asked.

"He cast 'silence' on Rinoa, so she retaliated by casting 'blind' on him," Squall replied.

"It was your idea," Cloud snapped, finally making his way to the living room. "Hey Teef, do you have a cure materia?"

"Sure," Tifa replied, curing the chocobo-head. Almost instantly, Rinoa had recast "blind." She then tapped on Squall's shoulder. He turned to face her.

Every guy in the room winced as Rinoa's foot connected straight where the sun don't shine. A blue-green glow covered her. "Jerk!" she exclaimed.

"I thought Cloud silenced you," Terra said.

"Please. If I can continually cast blind on him, I can just as easily cast a cure spell on myself."

"Do I want to know?" a beat-up Zidane asked, limping into the living room. (He had come in just as Rinoa had kicked Squall.) He started to fall and blindly reached out for the closest armchair. However, his grasp fell just inches short. Garnet waltzed in right past him and settled herself comfortably in it. As an added insult, she kicked her legs up, using Zidane as a leg rest.

"Dagger, this is humiliating," he muttered.

"You better be sucking up to me for a month after what you did," she replied. "At least a month."

"Yes dear," Zidane grumbled.

"Hey Cloud," Refia said. "You're absolutely sure that Sephiroth can't move, right?"

"Well yes but…"

The redhead darted forward, poked Sephiroth on the forehead, and leapt back. Sephiroth glared at her but was unable to do anything more. "Yes!" she exclaimed, turning to Arc and Luneth. "You owe me five gil!"

"You're crazy!" Luneth exclaimed. "Besides, I don't have five gil. Cloud?" He turned pleadingly to the blond swordsman.

"Here I've got some," Tifa said, pulling five gil out of her wallet. "Here, Luneth."

"Thanks," the silver-haired kid said, immediately forking the money over to Refia. "You seriously must be suicidal."

"All right," Refia said. "I'll give you fifteen gil if _you_ poke him."

"If you do…" Sephiroth growled. Luneth backed away fearfully.

"Make that twenty," Arc muttered.

"I'll give you thirty if you do it," Luneth shot back.

Arc backed away fearfully, gulping. Taking a deep breath and saying a quick prayer, he rushed forward, poking the ex-Shinra general before retreating.

Luneth's jaw dropped open, violet eyes wide in shock. "You just…damn it!"

"You have to do it now," Refia said. "If the scaredy-cat of the group can do it, you _have_ to."

"And you owe me thirty gil," Arc responded triumphantly.

"I'm broke," Luneth whined. "Cloud? Terra?"

"Here, I got it," Tifa replied.

"You shouldn't have to give away your money," Cloud protested.

"You can just pay me back later," Tifa replied. "Besides, they're poking _Sephiroth._"

I'm gonna show Locke and Celes around," Terra announced with a smile.

"What? Why?" Locke started to ask but was silenced with a glare from Terra.

"See you later!" Terra called.

Luneth reluctantly handed the money over to his brunette friend. "You guys are crazy. Only Cloud can mess with Sephiroth!"

"Well we wouldn't poke him if he could move," Refia replied. "But seeing as he can't move…"

"And once I can move, you will both be very dead," the silver-haired swordsman snarled.

"Cloud will protect us!" the girl declared confidently.

"Besides," Arc added, "we're supposed to be home before dark so we'll probably be gone by then."

"Luneth, you're a big chicken!"

"You haven't been nearly killed by him four times!"

"Hey girl," Jecht said. "Seeing as you're obviously the bravest of you three, I'll pay you 50 gil to whack him with a broom.

"Whose side are you on?" Sephiroth snapped.

"Whack Sephiroth with a broom?" Cloud asked. "This I gotta see. I'll pay you 100 gil."

"You can't see," Squall muttered.

Tifa subtly slipped Cloud a cure materia. He hastily cast in, praying that Rinoa wouldn't notice.

Refia's eyes were wide with joy. "Seriously?"

"Well, seeing as it's Sephiroth…" Tifa muttered, pulling out an additional twenty gil.

"Any other takers?" Cloud asked.

Squall and Firion both handed over forty gil.

"I'm gonna be rich!" Refia exclaimed, grabbing a broom. She swung with all her might, whacking the swordsman hard in the gut. She hastily tossed the broom aside, darting back to safety by Cloud. He handed her the 250 gil.

Cloud suddenly cried out. "Damn it!" Rinoa had blinded him again. "Come on!"

Sephiroth tried to move but only succeeded in scooting an inch. "When I can move again, you will suffer a slow, agonizing death, girl."

"You'll have to go through me first," Cloud responded.

"With pleasure."

"You know: you're not exactly in a position to be making threats," Golbez observed.

"Neither is Cloud. And no one asked you, traitor."

Faris waltzed into the room, dragging a barely conscious Bartz behind her. "Here's your boyfriend," she said, dropping him at Lenna's feet.

"Good grief what did you do to him?" Lenna asked, kneeling by Bartz to check his pulse and breathing.

Faris simply shrugged, falling into Lenna's now-empty seat. "I'm stuck here until the airship returns for me," she explained. Her gaze turned over to the now-unconscious Zidane. "What the hell happened to monkey-boy?"

"Long story," Garnet replied.

"I got time."

--

"Okay Terra, what gives?" Locke asked once they were outside. "You obviously don't want to give us a tour."

"I need a favor from you, Locke," the half-esper mage replied, getting straight to the pint. "Celes, just pretend this conversation never happened."

"I don't like where this is going," the former Magitek Knight responded.

"So you know how Cloud locked me in a closet for six hours? Well, I need your help getting my revenge on him."

"Not up my usual line of work, but I can help in any way possible," the treasure hunter said.

"I need you to steal Tifa's wallet."

Locke's face was blank. "Why?"

"Well you're a thief, so…"

"Treasure hunter, not thief. How does stealing Tifa's wallet help you get revenge on Cloud?"

"I was sitting next to her when she pulled it out, and I saw a very interesting picture of Cloud which I can use against him."

"What kind of picture?" Locke asked. Terra whispered something in his ear, and his eyes widened. "Terra, that's evil for you, but I'm in."

"He locked me in a closet for six hours. He has this coming."

"All right. Operation: Humiliate Cloud is a go."

Celes groaned. "This will not end well."

--

"So Bartz was seriously the only guy in your party?" Firion asked.

"After Galuf died and Krile joined, yes," Faris replied.

"I'm envious and sympathetic at the same time," the weapons master said. "Of course, if I was the only guy in our party, I would have had to deal with the wrath of Leila by myself."

"Leila?" Faris asked. "The pirate captain?"

"You know her?"

"We go way back."

"She hates me."

Maria hit him lightly. "She does not hate you."

"No, but she had her pirates rob me anyways. She was our ally fighting Mat, and she stole all my money twice!"

Maria shrugged. "I've never had issues with her."

"I'm envious of you," Priscilla told Faris. "I was the only girl surrounded by five men. Not fun. Of course Quinn wasn't too bad, but…" She sighed when the Cosmos Warriors snickered at the mention of the Warrior of Light's name.

Cloud randomly sighed. "Okay if I apologize for blinding you, even though it was Squall's idea, will you cure me, Rinoa?"

"Sure," the sorceress replied, casting the spell.

"So you'll apologize for silencing Rinoa, but you won't apologize for tripping Luneth?" Terra asked, reentering the room.

"I didn't trip him," Cloud replied.

"Oh, so he just fell?"

"He's been known to do it before."

"BS, you tripped him! He didn't just fall. Right Luneth?"

"I don't remember. Wasn't this like a month ago?" the boy asked.

"Then why are you and Cloud still arguing over it?" Squall asked.

"Because he still hasn't apologized," Terra retorted.

"I didn't do anything so why should I apologize?" Cloud asked. "Luneth's like my little brother anyways; I wouldn't trip him."

"Yeah right."

"Was this what started your war?" Cecil asked.

Cloud and Terra both paused mid-argument. "Maybe," Terra replied thoughtfully. "I can't remember. Perhaps…"

"Technically Terra started the whole thing," Cloud responded, "Because she hung…"

"No, you started the whole thing by tripping Luneth," Terra shot back. "Now I remember! Luneth wouldn't get revenge, so I rigged the trap that hung you upside down from the doorway."

"And turned me into a piñata?"

"Will you two just shut up and sit down?" Squall asked, massaging his temples. "Honestly, you're worse than two-year-olds. It's ridiculous. How about you just end your war?"

Both Cloud and Terra glared at each other, lightning briefly visible between their eyes.

"All right," Squall said, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Have it your way. Be stubborn."

Terra and Cloud slowly returned to their seats. As Terra sunk into the couch next to Locke, he subtly pressed a wallet into her hand. Terra hastily pocketed the clutch, making no one saw the exchange. In fifteen minutes, she could casually slip off to make sure she saw the picture correctly. Then she would have her revenge on Cloud. The half-esper mage briefly wondered if perhaps Kefka was getting to her. She immediately shrugged off the thought.

"So Maria, you're an archer, right?" Rosa asked, glancing casually at the bow resting on her lap. "May I see your bow?"

"Sure," the violet-haired girl replied, handing it over.

"Wow," the blonde white mage muttered. "This is a really nice bow. Kind of like mine back home."

"Yeah, I try to take really good care of it," Maria replied.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Terra exclaimed, glancing briefly at Zidane.

"I can't move," the genome replied, scowling at the princess who still used him as a foot rest.

As Terra made her way to the front entrance, she pulled out Tifa's wallet. Inside was a picture…Yes! A devious smile flickered across her face. She opened the door. "What do you want?"

"Well, if it isn't little Tina. How…what are you looking at?" The figure glanced at the picture in her hands. "Is that Cloud?"

"Yep."

"Why is he…?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"Where did you get that picture?"

"It was in his girlfriend's wallet."

"Cloud has a girlfriend?"

"Yep. Her name's Tifa."

"So Cloud like girls with 'T' names? Next thing you know, one-man Leonhart will have a girlfriend."

"Already does."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, she's like his polar opposite though."

"Opposites attract?"

"I guess."

"Anyone come to visit poor little Terra?"

"Yeah, Locke and Celes are here until Setzer decides to pick them up…which could be whenever."

"Oh, so little Miss Ice Princess and her thief lover are here as well?"

"Yep."

"So what are you gonna do with that picture?"

"Embarrass Cloud for locking me in a closet for six hours."

"Public humiliation as revenge? I must be rubbing off on you."

"I guess…" Terra looked up from the picture, noticing Kefka for the first time. "What are you doing here!?"

BOOM!

Everyone looked up as a red blur flew into the living room and crashed into (you guessed it) Luneth.

"Terra, are you all right?" Cloud asked, helping the girl to her feet. He noticed Tifa's near-murderous gaze resting on him. "Tifa, there is nothing – Kefka."

"Hello chocobo-head," the clown mage said.

Both Locke and Celes cried out in surprise, reaching for their weapons.

"Relax; I'm not here to hurt anybody."

"You just blasted Terra down a hallway and expect us to believe that?" Celes asked.

"No one asked you, Ice Queen."

"Clown freak!"

"Traitor!"

"Pyscho!"

(Fifteen mintues and several hundred insults later.)

"Frozen witch!"

"Burnt maniac!"

"…I'm out of insults."

"Yeah, me too."

"I'm impressed," Zidane said. "I don't think you ever used the same insult twice." Garnet kicked him. "Dagger, I did not mean 'impressed' that way."

"She has a sharp tongue and an even sharper wit," Locke said proudly, placing an arm around her shoulder.

"Then why'd she end up with you?" Kefka asked.

"Oh burn!" Tidus exclaimed.

"Why are you here?" Terra asked.

"Admiring you and your boyfriend," Kefka said smugly.

"My boy-" Terra glanced over at Cloud and jerked back. "No! I would rather kill myself than date Cloud."

"I don't know whether to be relieved or offended," the ex-SOLDIER replied.

"Actually I'm here to tell Kuja…" Kefka began.

"He's not here," Jecht said.

"Really? He left before me…Then again I just warped, and he must have taken the long way."

"Great," Zidane muttered. "Now I have to worry about Kuja showing up."

Kefka's gaze fell on the fallen One-Winged Angel. "What happened to him?"

"Cloud used him as a human shield so he can't move," Golbez exclaimed.

"And that little girl whacked him with a broom," Jecht added.

Kefka whistled, glancing at Refia. "You're a brave girl."

"They paid me 250 gil to do it," Refia replied.

"Would you take 500 gil to do it again?"

"Make that 750, and you have a deal."

"Deal."

WHAM! "Pay up," Refia said cheerfully.

"I'm with Luneth," Arc said. "You're really pushing your luck. Poking him is one thing, but whacking him with a broom…"

"It wasn't my idea," Refia replied. "They paid me to do it. If he wants to get angry, he can take it out on them."

"You're very confident that nothing will happen to you, little girl," Sephiroth snarled.

"Arc and I have to leave soon so I'll probably never see you again."

"Hey Terra, did you show everyone that picture of Cloud yet?"

"What picture?" Cloud asked.

"Has anyone seen my wallet?" Tifa suddenly asked, glancing at Zidane.

"Hey, I haven't moved since I got here," Zidane replied. "Garnet won't move her feet."

"Get use to it," the Princess replied.

"Don't worry, I have it," Terra said. "I'm just borrowing a picture."

Tifa froze. "What picture?"

"Oh I think you know what picture," Terra replied with an evil grin.

"Yeah," Tifa said. "Can I have that back?"

"Not until I'm alone getting my revenge on Cloud."

"Revenge?" Squall asked. "Do you honestly think…" Terra held the picture up to his face. He looked in shock, looked at Cloud, and then looked back. "That's Cloud?"

"Apparently." They looked at each other's faces before exploding into hysterical laughter.

"Okay," Cloud said, glancing at Tifa. "What kind of picture of me is so hysterical that even Squall…"

The brunette looked up at Cloud. "Why are you wearing a dress?"

"What!" Bartz, Luneth, and Tidus exclaimed, rushing to crowd around Terra and Squall. "Oh my god!"

Cloud froze in embarrassment. "Tifa, why do you have a picture of me in a dress?"

"Cloud, I think it's blatantly obvious why I have that picture."

"New question: where did you get that picture?"

"Well you see…"

"Cloud, why are you wearing a dress?" Sephiroth asked, aquamarine eyes amused.

"It's a long story, and it wasn't my idea. And I'd actually like to forget about it."

"I wanna see!" Zidane whined.

"You're not going anywhere," Garnet replied.

"I wanna see it though." He sighed when Garnet remained unyielding. "I have said I'm sorry, right?"

"We've established that."

"You're gonna forgive me, right?"

"I'll think about it."

"But you are gonna let me get up and see the picture, right?"

"Nope."

Zidane's face fell, tail drooping. He looked up at Garnet with pleading puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

"No. Besides, Zidane, those are some pretty pathetic puppy dog eyes when compared with Eiko's."

"Well Eiko's just amazing when it comes to puppy dog eyes. Hey Bartz, bring the picture over here."

"I'm not letting this picture out of my hands," Terra said.

"You will if I threaten you," Cloud said.

"You'd fight a girl?" Terra asked.

"If it preserves my dignity, yes."

"Cloud, you're a puppet," Sephiroth said. "You had no dignity to begin with."

There was a sudden flash of light, and two figures could be seen standing in the living room.

"Hey Tidus," Firion started to say. "That guy looks just like…"

"What the hell are we doing here!?" a male voice exclaimed.

_A/N: Okay I realize this is long, but I had a lot to include. Okay, I'll give a hint on who the newcomers are: they're dead. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter!_

**Fireblast123: Yep, it's Faris. Yes, Garnet doesn't get a cliffhanger because she had to establish her right to kill Zidane. And sit? Please, Sephiroth can't even sit. He's forced to lie on the ground and socialize. There is no sitting for him. He wishes.**

**Mikkimikka: Yeah, another review! Yeah, I had fun writing the Rinoa and Squall bit as well.**

**AkumaStrife: Yep, it's Faris.**

**Skyhanhunter: And Luneth still gets whacked by everybody. Yes, both Bartz and Zidane are dead men walking. DO NOT mess with Fenrir. And yes, it was Faris.**

**Scribbleness: Yeah, I love Squinoa too. Cloud and Squall always work together. And angry women are scary.**

**TruePrime: I think I made Dagger a little OOC but when you find your boyfriend cheating on you… Yeah, I figured Cloud would abuse Sephiroth whenever he got the chance seeing as Sephiroth is always giving him crap. Yes, the lack of Squinoa love is sad, but on the bright side Terra just can't let bigots be bigots (or Clouds be Clouds). **

**GreenOpalus: It's Faris, Lenna's sister and pirate captain.**

**Beaslays: Yeah, the whole Nomura thing was totally top of the head. I love it when people think I keep the characters in character as I try to do that but give them my own little quirks. And it's Faris.**

**Ala Alba EC: National Hit Luneth With Doors Day is officially December 1. Definitely Faris.**

**Canis Cantus: Guess what? Zack is in Birth By Sleep!!!! He's in Olympus Coliseum. I was so excited. It was Faris.**

**ReplicaRiku's Girl: It's Faris. And as for Aerith…just keep reading.**

**XxGoodGirlGoneTobixX: Well I try not to overdo the gay jokes to offend people. Glad you think it's funny.**

**Ray1: Well seeing as Lenna's already here…Definitely Faris.**

**ThornBeak: Thanks for finally reviewing. Faris, so many Cids, and yes, Kain will make an entrance…eventually.**

**XxGoodGirlGoneTobixX: Hey two different reviews (Just noticed). Cloud will fix Fenrir…at some point in time.**

**Sakura Sama 101: Yep, it's Faris. Yeah, I almost died of laughter reading all my reviews during Class. Probably not a smart idea later.**

**Michieru Berujironu: Faris has arrived.**

**Slyvanas: Faris is here. Looks like a lot of people want Kain.**

**Suke-88: Faris is here. And hope you know what happened next. **

**Archsage328: Actually I love Kingdom Hearts (hence why I mock it.) Um Yuffie will probably make a very brief cameo to steal Cloud's material. As for Vincent and Reno…I don't know. (I'm trying not to go FF7 crazy even if I do like the characters.)**


	8. Ghostly Visitors

_A/N: This is my Christmas gift to all my readers; I know it's late, but this chapter did not want to get written. But here it is! Enjoy._

Chapter Eight: Ghostly Visitors

Everyone stared in shock at the two figures suddenly standing in the living room. One was a beautiful girl with long, soft brown hair and warm hazel eyes in a blue songstress outfit. The other looked exactly like Tidus. Exactly.

"Holy crap," was all Tidus managed to say.

"I know it's probably awkward with us just showing up in the middle of your living room but Zack and Aerith…" the Tidus look-a-like started to say. His gaze fell on Yuna. "Oh it's you."

"Hi Yuna!" the girl exclaimed.

"Hello Lenne," Yuna said cheerfully. Her gaze turned to the Tidus look-a-like; her tone took on a decidedly neutral tone. "Shuyin?"

"Yuna, you know them?" Tidus asked, glancing at his girlfriend curiously.

"Yes, this is Lenne and Shuyin. Remember? I told you about them when I told you all about our quest to find you."

"Yeah, but you never said he looked exactly like me," Tidus protested, eying his could-be twin suspiciously.

"Yes, I did," Yuna responded. "I said we found a sphere of him and mistook him for you."

"I know," Tidus muttered, "but Chappu sort of looks like me. This guy…He's like my freaking clone!"

"Actually, you're a clone of me," Shuyin responded.

"Excuse me?" Tidus shot back, glaring at his look-a-like.

"When the fayth created Dream Zanarkand, they created you to represent me. I'm the real star of the Zanarkand Abes. You're not even real." His voice dropped to a low mutter. "And yet somehow you're the one alive."

Tidus' brow narrowed in concentration. "Wait a minute!" He turned to face Yuna. "You had to fight him to stop that V-gun thing, right?"

Yuna's eyebrows narrowed in concentration for a moment. "Vegnagun? Yeah, why?"

He turned angrily to Shuyin. "That means you tried to kill Yuna!"

"…I suppose you could…say that," Shuyin replied after a hesitant second. "In my defense, I was kind of out of it."

"That's an understatement if I ever heard one," Yuna muttered. Shuyin glared up at her. "What? You were almost insane by the time we found you."

"He's a lot better now," Lenne said.

"But this is partly why I don't want to be here."

Tidus continued to glare at Shuyin. "Then why are you here?"

"Other than taking Zack's and Aerith's places? I might have insulted Zack the other day so he probably had Aerith send us here as revenge."

"Zack and Aerith?" Cloud asked. "Zack has dark hair, and…"

Shuyin looked at Cloud in shock. "Holy crap, they weren't kidding. You really do have chocobo hair."

Cloud's eyes narrowed dangerously. "My hair does not look like a chocobo."

"Apparently chocobos think otherwise," Sephiroth muttered with a cruel snicker.

Cloud whirled around to face his fellow warriors. "All right; who told him?"

"Told him what?" Terra asked innocently.

"Told him about…well, you know what!"

"None of us are on speaking terms with Sephiroth," Squall responded.

"Somebody had to tell him," Cloud muttered tersely.

"Is this about you getting mauled by chocobos?" Shuyin asked.

"How do you know?" the blond swordsman asked.

"Zack saw it from the Lifestream," Shuyin replied. "He would have died of suffocation because he was laughing so much if he wasn't already dead."

"I suppose you laughed."

"I had no clue what the hell he was talking about. Aerith had to explain who you were, but I still didn't find it that amusing."

"I supposed you'd actually have to know Cloud," Tifa said. "But what do you mean you're here to take their places?"

"Zack and Aerith were coming to visit you and Cloud," Lenne exclaimed, "but something came up last minute so they sent us until they could come."

"Which means that they could be anywhere from fifteen minutes to…" Shuyin winced as Lenne hit him upside the head. "What?"

"You know what," the songstress responded.

"So do you know a Galuf?" Bartz asked.

"We met him once," Shuyin said. "I didn't think very highly of him."

"He's actually not that bad," a voice said from the doorway.

Yuna squealed, rushing into the figure's arms. "Dad!"

Braska just smiled and returned the embrace. "Hello, I'm Yuna's father, as you probably guessed."

"I thought you and Auron would be here sooner," Jecht muttered.

"Well we had to finish up a game of poker," Braska said.

"Let me guess," Jecht said. "Auron won. Don't answer. He always wins."

"You must be good at poker," Tidus told the silent swordsman.

"He cheats," Jecht muttered.

"You're just a sore loser," Tidus countered.

"We're ninety-nine percent sure that he keeps at least three decks of cards up his sleeves," Jecht elaborated. "Of course we have no proof since that would require stealing his coat, and well…"

"That didn't exactly go to well the first time," Braska observed.

Jecht just shrugged noncommittally.

"What happened?" Yuna asked, glancing up at her father.

"Jecht went about forty feet up in the air, fifty feet that way, and got attacked by a trio of rabid squirrels. Sadly this happened a lot."

"He tried to steal Auron's coat that many times?" Tidus asked.

"No, he got attacked by squirrels a lot," Auron replied.

"What?"

Yuna started laughing. "Sounds like Tidus on my Pilgrimage."

"Hey," the blond said. "That only happened once at Macalania."

"Sounds like squirrels don't like you either," Jecht observed.

"Did Tidus get hit in the head with lightning?" Braska asked.

"No, I was there; Jecht was the only one to get hit with lightning."

"Serves him right," Tidus muttered.

"Since you guys arrived from the Farplane, can we leave?" Shuyin asked.

"We got specific orders from Zack Fair to keep you here," Auron replied. "What did you do to him yesterday?"

"I didn't _do_ anything," the Tidus look-a-like protested. "Although I might have said something…"

"Since all the dead people are here, does that mean Galuf will be here?" Bartz asked eagerly.

"I think he was visiting his granddaughter," Braska replied.

"Do all dead people know each other?" Tifa asked.

"No," Auron replied, "but we know a lot of the people connected to the Cosmos Warriors here."

"And going back to your question earlier," Braska said. "Auron didn't win. Your wife did."

"What!?" Jecht exclaimed.

"She creamed us," Auron replied.

"I'll bet mom was pissed at you for leaving when you finally reunited with her," Tidus muttered.

Braska coughed politely. "Actually…she was quite…ecstatic to see him."

"Chewed my ass out for at least three hours," Jecht replied. "But it was nice to see her. Of course she and your girlfriend's mother are plotting something. I'm pretty sure it's our downfall."

"Whose downfall?" Tidus asked.

"Mine and Braska's. They're planning something."

"Plotting your downfall?" Auron asked.

Jecht shrugged again. "I'm just saying."

"So let me get this straight," Tidus said. "You ditch us when you left Zanarkand, and Mom has no hard feelings?"

"She couched me for a month," Jecht replied.

"That's it?"

"Hey, couching is a very effective form of an argument," Jecht responded. "You!"

Cecil looked up in shock. "Yes?"

"You're married. You'll understand."

"Understand what?"

"How effective couching is."

"Cecil, you can't listen to him," Tidus responded hotly.

"If your wife threatened to couch you for an entire month, would you give into her demands?" Jecht asked the paladin.

Cecil fell silent. "Probably."

"Cecil!" Tidus exclaimed.

"You don't understand, Tidus," Cecil said. "That's an entire month of sleeping on the couch."

"So?" Tidus asked.

"It means," Refia said, whispering something into his ear.

Tidus looked at her. "How the hell do you know that?"

"I know a lot of things," the redhead said with a shrug.

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen."

"And…never mind."

"Have you ever been couched before?" Cloud asked Cecil.

"Twice, but only for a night at a time," Cecil replied.

"What did you do?" Firion asked.

Cecil risked a glance at his wife.

"What?" Rosa asked.

"Don't take offense at this, but pregnant woman can be very sensitive and illogical."

"Amen brother," Jecht muttered.

"Excuse me?" Rosa asked.

"I said don't take offense," Cecil protested. "You know what I mean."

"No, Cecil. I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

"It's just…you know…" He glanced toward Jecht and Braska for help. They just shrugged as if to say 'it's your problem.' "I'm sorry, but it's the truth."

Rosa glared at him. "The truth?"

Cecil sighed. "Dropping the subject."

"And?"

"I'm sorry."

Jecht snickered. "Your wife has got you trained."

"Tell me something I don't know," Cecil retorted.

"You do realize you have purple lips, right?" Zidane asked. Everyone gave the genome the WTF look. "What? It's true."

"I'm half Lunarian," Cecil replied.

"Meaning?"

"Our father came from the moon," Golbez elaborated.

"So you're half alien?" Luneth asked excitedly.

"Not really," Cecil responded.

"Aw. But that would be so awesome!"

"Besides," Bartz added. "Aliens come from different planets, not the moon."

"Technically since we're all from different worlds, wouldn't that make us all aliens?" Tidus asked.

Everyone looked at Tidus in a 'Did you really just say that?' way. "Not to bright for a kid," Jecht muttered.

Tidus glared at his father. "Excuse me?"

"Tidus you just said that we were aliens," Yuna muttered.

"I know we're not all aliens," Tidus replied. "I was just asking if we could technically fit the definition."

"Alien actually could be used to describe a foreigner," the Warrior of Light said. "So we are all 'aliens' to Dissidia."

"Nobody uses alien to describe a foreigner," Arc protested. "Just scary men from outer space."

"Or women," Refia added.

"Looks like you fit that definition perfectly, Ref," Luneth said.

"Excuse me?" the redhead asked calmly.

"Um nothing," Luneth said, cowering behind Terra's leg.

"That's right," Refia replied. "That's what I thought you said."

"Luneth, are you just going to let Refia boss you around like that?" Cloud asked.

Luneth nodded. "She's scary when she's angry; you don't want to mess with her. Last time, she turned me into a toad and tried to feed me to an alligator."

"I _did_ feed you to an alligator; it just coughed you back up when you got stuck in its throat," Refia replied with a smirk.

"And you're a good guy?" Cloud asked.

"Yep."

"She hit Sephiroth with a broom, Cloud," Jecht said. "I think that proves she's on your side."

"As I recall," Golbez said, "you and Kefka were the ones who suggested that she do it in the first place."

"And you paid her the most money," Arc added.

"I'll remember this when I can move again," Sephiroth threatened.

"You would attack your own teammates?" Jecht asked.

"You paid her to hit me with a broom," Sephiroth replied.

"True," Jecht mused. "But hey, it was funny." He glanced over at Kefka. "Why are you here?"

"I have a question for Kuja, and until he gets here, I'm staying. I also enjoying harassing poor little Tina."

"My name is _Terra._"

"I believe Tina suits you much better."

"Maybe you should just wait outside," Celes responded coldly. "Do us all a favor by ridding us of your foul stench."

"And the room would be at least five degrees warmer once you exit," the clown shot back.

"I'm hungry," Refia whined. "Do you guys have anything to eat?"

"There should be something in the kitchen," the Warrior of Light said.

"Don't touch anything in the fridge," called Firion.

The doorbell rang, catching everyone's attention. Zidane struggled to move, but Garnet refused to move her feet. "Must get doorbell…"

"I've got it!" Luneth exclaimed from the kitchen. He rushed to the front door, flinging it open. He cried out in shock, slamming the door shut.

"Who is it?" Cloud asked.

"It's Kuja!" Luneth exclaimed.

"What!" Zidane exclaimed.

"At this rate, there won't be any room in here," the Warrior of Light muttered.

"Well, we'll probably be leaving soon," Braska said. "We just came by to say hello to Yuna, Tidus, and Jecht."

"And we're gone as soon as Zack and Aerith arrive," Shuyin replied.

"I don't know," Lenne said. "I kind of like it here."

"I'm only here until either Cid or Krile decide to return for me," Faris added. "Although I'll probably take Lenna with me when I leave."

"But I don't want to leave," Lenna protested, clinging to Bartz's arm.

There was a crash from the kitchen. Moments later, Kuja emerged from the kitchen, scowling. "Damn brats," he muttered.

"Kid trouble?" Jecht asked.

"They threw a rotten apple at me! At me!"

"Why are you here?" Zidane asked his brother.

Kuja glanced at the blond genome being used as a footrest. "Why are you…"

"I asked first," Zidane retorted.

"I came here to settle the score with you," Kuja said. "But obviously you are a little busy. Why are you allowing the Princess to use you as a footrest."

"Turns out he flirted with every girl here even though I'm his girlfriend," Garnet explained.

"I can talk for myself," Zidane said. "And I did not flirt with every girl here. I did not flirt with Rosa, Lenna, Faris, or Lenne."

"Because Rosa had a baby, Bartz showed up immediately to claim Lenna, and Faris and Lenne arrived after Garnet," Rinoa said.

Zidane glared at the sorceress. "You really are Squall's girlfriend: that sounds like something he would say to get me in trouble."

"I don't need to say anything; you get yourself in trouble," Squall muttered.

"Refia hit on Faris!" Arc yelled from the kitchen.

"Shut up!" came the reply, followed by Arc's cry of pain.

Kuja looked over at Kefka in shock. "How did you get here so quickly?"

"I warped here," the clown replied.

"You took the long way didn't you?" Zidane asked with a smirk.

"Shut up," Kuja muttered.

Zidane snickered. "You can cast 'Teleport,' and you took the long way."

"Why are you here?" Kuja asked, ignoring his little brother.

"We won."

"We won?" Golbez asked.

"Are you %$#ing kidding me?" Jecht asked. "…Sorry. I just could have used that money."

"Is this about the bet?" Firion asked.

"Yes," Kefka replied.

"How the hell did she get him to spend that much money!?" Kuja exclaimed.

"I don't know nor do I care," Kefka said. "But we won."

"How much money was in this betting pool?" Cloud asked.

"Last time I checked, it was seven billion gil," Sephiroth replied.

"You lost seven billion gil!?" Tidus asked his father in shock.

"Looks like there goes your college education…and my retirement."

"Jecht, we're dead. We have no retirement," Auron muttered.

"Well I know, but still…It the idea."

"Where did you _get_ seven billion gil?" Firion asked.

"Unlike you all, we actually have high-paying jobs," Kuja muttered. "How many of you have a lot of money now, and will continue to have that much or more the rest of your life?"

The Warrior of Light, Cecil, Bartz, Squall, and Zidane raised their hands.

"How many of you got this money from your own job and skills, not because you're dating royalty."

Bartz and Zidane lowered their hands. Zidane started to raised his hand again.

"Thievery does not count."

"What do you do?" Jecht asked Squall.

"I'm Commander of Balamb Garden's SeeD forces," Squall replied.

"Judging from that impressive title, I'd say that earns you a significant amount of money."

Squall shrugged. "It makes ends meet."

"Squall," Cloud said. "My job makes ends meet. I'm pretty sure your job earns a bit more."

"What do you do?" Jecht asked the Warrior of Light.

"I'm Cornelia's Champion."

"That must pay."

"And you?" Kuja asked Cecil.

"King of Baron," the half-Lunarian said with a shrug.

Jecht whistled in appreciation. "You must be loaded."

"Remind me to call you up when I'm low on cash," Tidus muttered.

"I'm surprised you don't have more money," Zidane told Cloud.

"Well I saved the planet twice so it would be nice if I got rewarded with some cash for once," the chocobo-head muttered.

"Money isn't everything, Cloud," a beautiful, kind voice commented.

Cloud and Tifa jerked their head to stare at the beautiful brunette in the doorway. Her green eyes sparkled merrily. "Hey…"

"Hi Aerith," Tifa said with a smile.

"How's the afterlife?" Cloud asked.

"Busy," the Ancient replied. "Zack is right: babysitting you is a full-time job."

"I've gotten better," the blond protested.

"True." She glanced over at Lenne and Shuyin. "You two can leave if you want."

"I kind of like it here," Lenne said.

Shuyin grabbed her wrist. "We're going."

"Bye Yuna!" Lenne called. She and Shuyin flashed for a moment before disappearing.

"If they could have just warped out of here, why didn't they leave earlier?" Tidus asked.

"It's my power as an Ancient that lets me cross the barrier between this world and the Lifestream," Aerith said. "So I let them leave."

"You don't look old," Zidane said.

Aerith laughed. "No, my people were called the Ancients. I was the last one."

"Cloud, introduce us," Terra said.

"This is Aerith," Cloud said. "She was a member of our party when we fought Sephiroth…until he killed her."

"She was a threat," the silver-haired swordsman replied.

A figure suddenly grabbed Cloud in a headlock, hoisting him to his feet. "And I'm Zack, Cloud's best friend," the dark-haired figure said. "And yes, I am dead. How ya doing spiky?"

"Can't breathe," the blond replied.

"Oh sorry." An evil twinkle sparked in Zack's cerulean eyes. "So what's this I hear about Cloud in a dress?"

Cloud groaned. "Not now, Zack."

"No, I want to hear the story behind this," Zidane said.

"I think you're out-voted, Cloud," Firion said. "I want to hear this story too."

Cloud lowered his head in defeat, hiding his face. "This is so humiliating."

"No Cloud," Zidane retorted, motioning toward himself. "This is humiliating."

"So why was Cloud wearing a dress?" Locke asked.

"Well we saw Tifa being taken away by Don Corneo…" Aerith started to say.

"Don who?" Bartz asked.

"Don Corneo," Tifa said. "He was a spy for Shinra, the company we were fighting against. He also had this ceremony where he would take three women and pick one to be his wife for the night."

"Ew," Rinoa said.

Zidane started to snicker. "I can see where this is going."

"Well," Aerith continued. "I decided that in order to get in to rescue Tifa, we would have to let ourselves be captured. Hence why we needed to disguise Cloud as a girl."

Zidane desperately fought back his laughter. He could already see how this one ended.

"Well, it comes time for Don to pick his girl, and well…" Aerith could barely keep a straight face. "He chose Cloud."

"You're kidding!" Bartz, Firion, and Tidus exclaimed before dissolving into hysterical laughter.

"You could have left that part out," Cloud retorted, glaring at the green-eyed maiden.

Aerith just shook her head, silently laughing.

"I bet you enjoyed hearing that one, Sephiroth," Zack said.

"Um guys…" Tifa said. "Where is Sephiroth?"

A loud, ear-shattering scream resounded from the kitchen.

Cloud leapt to his feet. "Crap, he's going to massacre them."

Zack suddenly stared behind Cloud, eyes wide. "You might have a more serious issue to deal with."

"Sephiroth is going to maul…"

"Hello Cloud," an eerily calm voice said. "I'd like to know what the #%$ you did to my sword."

_A/N: Guess who! I got 100 reviews!!!!!! Thanks so much._

**AkumaStrife: Zack and Aerith do show up, but Lenne and Shuyin were the mystery guests.**

**Suke-88: Well Auron and Braska do appear, just not as the mystery guests.**

**Archsage328: Yes, hitting Sephiroth was cruel and hilarious. Just wait to see what's in store for him next chapter, shh. **

**Fireblast123: Yeah the living room is pretty big: I figured Cosmos would have a mansion-sized house. It was Lenne and Shuyin. And now our genome poet has arrived.**

**ReplicaRiku'sgirl: Leila might make a cameo appearance (as I don't think Cid or Krile will be there to rescue Faris any time soon). It was Shuyin! (I think you were the first person to get it right).**

**TruePrime: No Reks, since Vaan isn't even in this. And Auron and Braska did show (as well as Zack, but he has a relatively small cameo compared to the others.) Yeah, Tifa's a bit paranoid, and Garnet is reasonably upset with her boyfriend.**

**Skyhanhunter: Faris only let Bartz live because Lenna used her puppy dog eyes. Yes, Garnet is understandably upset with her unfaithful boyfriend. Yes, there will be hell to pay for attacking Sephiroth as we shall soon see. It was Shuyin and Lenne. (No Kingdom Hearts characters will appear, the Final Fantasy ones just bash it in good humor.)**

**Ala Alba EC: Yeah, Luneth unintentionally caused the war. (They are kind of like a little family, aren't they?) Um…Bartz is Bartz; no other explanation. Yeah, I suppose Terra rubbed off a bit on Kefka since he's not too crazy, but he's not in this much so…Like Sephiroth would let people poke him, even if it was for money. It was Shuyin!**

**OneWingedHeron53: I understand how hard it is to find the time to review, no sweat. Well our mystery guests weren't Zack and Aerith, but Zack and Aerith do show up.**

**GreenOpalus: Oh, no magic, right…(They were really just trying to shut her up, so it was a very weak spell.)**

**Canis Cantus: Yeah, hitting Sephiroth with a broom is hysterical, and Cloud should have made sure all evidence of "the incident" was destroyed. Go Zack in Birth By Sleep!!!!**

**Ray1: Kill each other? They care about each other (as siblings) too much to do that. Now near fatal injuries…that's a whole other issue entirely. I think Cloud may be hesitant to attack a girl, but after Terra destroyed his dignity…**

**Sakura Sama 101: There were a whole lot of other dead people in this chapter. The hitting Sephiroth with a broom was a totally random idea that just popped into my head as I was writing.**

**Mana Prism: Sadly every normal conversation drifts into something close to insanity. Well, some characters will only be mentioned and never actually appear, most in future chapters will leave at some point (keyword: some), but it is a large living room. Now if they had to feed everybody…**

**Kirino Tsuki: It was Shuyin. LOL all you want. **

**Kira is Watching You: Um…seeing as the After Years takes place seventeen years from now…but I got Zack and plan to include a vengeful Vaan at some point (don't tell.)**

**Randomzzz: Glad to see you actually fell out of your chair. Nice. Seeing as they don't have the dress, I doubt Cloud can wear it. (Unless Zidane or someone gets him a dress somehow.) Zack showed up! **

**Sephirmaug: Well thanks for taking the time to review. Yes, I realize it was wrong to demand reviews that one chapter so I apologize if it offended anyone. I'm glad you enjoy the story overall so far. And thank you for the compliment about knowing when to not overuse jokes. No one's ever told me that before, but I try to bring in new jokes to replace the old ones.**

**Silvara: Glad you liked Quinn. Okay, more fluff. I can try to add some more. (Humor is the focus, but I enjoy fluff).**

**Meitanteikid: Well here's the next chapter.**

**Lord Fortune: Thanks for reading, reviewing, and complimenting. Here's the next chapter.**

**TheLadyPendragon: Yay for my 100th reviewer!!!!! (Throws confetti). Okay, it was Lenne and Shuyin.**


	9. Sephiroth vs The Munchkins

_A/N: Okay, here I am again! I know you were all probably hoping for this chapter sooner, but I got lazy so…Anyways, here it is. I will also say that it is one of my favorites so far. Enjoy!_

Chapter Nine: Sephiroth vs. the Munchkins

Cloud turned around slowly to face the figure looming menacingly behind him. "Your sword? The only sword I messed with recently was Terra's, and only because…"

"Allow me to introduce myself," the middle-aged specter said. "I am Angeal Hewley, mentor to _that_ puppy there." He pointed at Zack. "And when I died, I gaze the Buster Blade to him."

Cloud paled. "Listen, I think I know why you're upset…"

"And when he died, he gave the sword to you. And what did you do?"

"Sephiroth is about to murder three innocent kids." A loud war cry followed immediately by a scream of terror emphasized Cloud's point.

"Your friends can help them," Angeal said.

"We're on it," Terra said, hands glowing with magic, eyes hard.

"Angeal…" Zack started to say.

"Sit boy." Angeal took a menacing step toward Cloud. "You stuck it in the ground, and then you left it to rust. You left it on a hillside…"

Cloud took a step back nervously. "I fixed it. I moved it back to Aerith's Chapel and restored it to perfect condition. I made it a shrine to remember Zack and Aerith…and in a way you."

"You left it in the ground to rust."

"I'm not going to win this argument, am I?" Cloud asked.

Angeal just lunged forward in response. Zack leapt to his feet, attempting to restrain his late mentor while Tifa and Aerith jerked Cloud out of the way of Angeal's wrath.

--

In the kitchen, Refia stood on top of Arc, who stood on top of Luneth, reaching into the top cabinet. "I don't see it."

"Zidane hides it somewhere in that cabinet," Luneth replied.

"Wait, I see it!" Refia exclaimed. She reached deeper into the cabinet. "I got it!"

"Yes!" Luneth exclaimed. "Hurry up and climb down."

Once on the ground, the three stared at the container. "It looks like crap," Arc stated bluntly.

"I know," Luneth said. "But this stuff is the best chocolate hazelnut frosting I have ever tasted."

Refia looked at it skeptically. "Are you sure?"

Luneth hesitated for the briefest of seconds. "Just eat it."

"You first," said Arc.

"Guys, it's just icing."

Refia shoved the container in his face. "You first."

"Fine," Luneth said. He walked over to the cupboard, pulled out a box of graham crackers, grabbed a knife from a drawer, and proceeded to smear the chocolate over the cracker. Popping it into his mouth, he began to make another one.

"Well?" Arc asked expectantly.

"Well what?" Luneth replied, biting into the second one.

"Is it chocolate?"

"Hey, if you guys don't want to eat any, then I'll just finish it all."

Arc hesitantly made himself a graham cracker and chocolate treat. He bit into it slowly. His eyes lit up, and he whirled to face Refia. "Luneth wasn't kidding. This stuff is amazing!"

Refia dug through several drawers until she found a spoon. She scooped out a large spoonful of icing, slipping it into her mouth. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed, eyes growing wide.

"I know," Luneth replied, biting into his fourth cracker.

"Give me one of those!" Refia exclaimed.

"We should probably try to make this stuff last," Arc said.

Both Refia and Luneth looked at Arc like he was crazy. "The longer we take to eat this, the more likely it is that Zidane will recover and catch us," Luneth explained.

"Zidane isn't the one you should be worried about," a calm, collected, and very sinister voice said.

Three pairs of eyes jerked up to see the silver-haired, ex-Shinra general walk calmly into the room, the close the kitchen door, lock said door, and then turn to face them. "Now about the poking…"

"I never touched you!" Luneth exclaimed.

Sephiroth calmly pointed the Masamune at the trio. "I believe I have a right to kill you."

"Listen," Arc said. "Perhaps we can reach…" His eyes widened in horror as he watched half of his graham cracker fall to the floor. He had never even seen Sephiroth swing his blade.

The next attack was much more obvious. Masamune came crashing down toward the three. Arc dove out of the way while Refia and Luneth leapt back. Refia screamed as Sephiroth's blade came straight for her throat, ducking under the blade.

"Retreat!" she yelled, dragging a scurrying Luneth and Arc into a pantry, pulling the overhead light on.

"Now we're trapped," Arc said glumly.

"We just need a battle plan," Refia said. "I've got it!" She turned into a dark knight. "We just fight fire with fire."

"Wait, Refia, I don't think that's a good…" Luneth started to say.

Refia, however, had already run out the door with a battle cry, dark blade drawn. Only seconds later, her cry of terror pierced the air. She flew back into the pantry, panting slightly. "On second thought, when he has a sword that long, close combat probably isn't a good idea."

"I could have told you that," Luneth scoffed.

Refia whacked him upside the head. "New plan: Arc, sage; Luneth, Onion Knight."

"What about you?" Arc asked.

"Ninja, duh. Okay, Luneth, you distract him while…"

"I ain't getting anywhere near that guy," Luneth protested.

"Arc, distract him with magic while I throw stuff at him. Luneth, you can hand me junk to throw at him. Okay, let's go!"

The three rushed out of the pantry, Arc immediately casting a fire spell on the swordsman. Sephiroth easily dodged the attack, lunging toward Refia and Luneth. The redhead wrapped her hand around the first thing within her grasp.

"Refia, not the frosting!" Arc and Luneth cried.

The girl looked at the jar in her hand in shock. "What am I thinking!?" she cried, placing the container back on the counter. Grabbing the butter knife right next to it, she flung it at Sephiroth.

The general easily sidestepped the attack. "Your pathetic attempts to defeat me are amusing at best." He charged Refia, the Masamune nearly separating her head from her body.

"I don't think a butter knife will work," Luneth replied.

"Then get me a steak knife!" Refia exclaimed.

"I'm not supposed to touch them," the silver-haired boy replied.

"Luneth, this is a life and death situation!" Refia countered. "We need weapons." She rushed past Sephiroth as Arc distracted him with a Thunda spell.

"What happened to your shuriken?" Luneth shot back, rushing over to the drawer with steak knives.

"I left it at home. You never mentioned that we'd be fighting a silver-haired maniac."

"I told you not to whack him with a broom," Luneth replied, walking over to hand Refia a knife.

"They paid me to do it," Refia protested, flinging the knife at Sephiroth. She turned to receive another blade, rolling her eyes as Luneth walked over, handing her the knife handle-first. "Luneth, we don't have time for this! Arc is running out of MP!" As if to emphasize her point, Arc cast a blizza spell on the former general.

"You're not supposed to run with knives," Luneth retorted. "And you're supposed to hand them over handle-first."

"We don't have time for this," Refia reiterated. "Just throw me the knives. I'm a _ninja_. I'll catch them."

Luneth sighed but complied with the redhead, tossing her ammo to fling at Sephiroth. However, on the fifth knife, Refia misjudged, snatching the kitchen utensil by its blade. Crying out in pain, she let the knife clatter to the ground, eying the small cut racing across her fingers. She looked up at Luneth's smirking gaze. "Now is not the time for an 'I told you so,'" she spat, flinging the knife at Sephiroth.

"We're out of knives!" Luneth exclaimed.

"Then we improvise," Refia shot back. Grabbing the coffeemaker sitting on a nearby counter, she hoisted it up, chunking it at the silver-haired swordsman. Sephiroth whirled around, easily slicing through the machine.

"Refia, do you know what you just did?" Luneth asked, violet eyes wide. "You can't just break our coffeemaker."

Meanwhile, Arc had cast his last spell on Sephiroth, hoping to incapacitate the swordsman with a toad spell, but it had no effect on him.

Luneth flung open a cupboard, tossing a cookie sheet to Refia. The redhaired girl threw it at Sephiroth, spinning it like a shuriken. The first one caught the general by surprise, catching him on the side. However, eh easily dodged the next two.

"You're pathetic attempts are moving from the realm of amusing to annoying," Sephiroth said. "Let me show you true power."

--

"Step aside," Terra ordered the three silver-haired men barring their entrance into the kitchen.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," the main one said. He was the smallest in stature with his hair falling just above his shoulders. "Big Brother has business in there, and we are to stop any advances that try to stop him."

There was a cry of pain from the kitchen. Terra held out her hands while Squall and the Warrior of Light unsheathed their weapons. Two flames hovered above each of her palms. "And I'm afraid that I can't let Sephiroth murder three innocent children," Terra responded. "Step aside."

"It looks like we're going to have to stop you then," the leader said. "Yazoo, Loz, stop them!" He drew his own sword and charged Terra.

--

Refia screamed as Sephiroth's sword came crashing through the air toward her head. She crumpled to the ground. The Masamune fell down, embedding itself in the kitchen counter. Smirking, Refia brought her foot up to collide with Sephiroth's groin. However, her brief triumph was short-lived as Sephiroth wrenched his blade free from the counter, thrusting it at her chest. She rolled out of the way, feeling the long katana graze her upper bicep.

As Sephiroth raised his sword above his head, something wet and semisolid collided with the back of his head. He turned around to face Luneth and Arc. The two boys stood in front of the open refrigerator, Luneth tossing a tomato up and down, similar to the one that had struck Sephiroth.

"You can see the girl die first," Sephiroth replied.

"Eat fried chicken!" Arc exclaimed, flinging a drumstick at Sephiroth.

--

Cloud ducked under Angeal's swing, diving to the side. "Could someone please explain to me why his attacks hurt me while my attacks pass straight through him?"

"Technically we are dead, Cloud," Zack said.

"Thank you, Zack," Cloud muttered. "That explanation makes perfect sense. I'm just as confused as ever."

"Who's helping save your sorry hind?" Zack retorted, intercepting Angeal's attack. Both SOLDIERs fought with the traditional broadswords of the average SOLDIER.

A green and red blur flew into Cloud, knocking him to the ground. "Terra, get off of me."

"Can you hurry up with this little fight and help us defeat the Sephiroth wannabes guarding the door?" the emerald-haired girl shot back.

"Angeal is trying to kill me," Cloud responded. "What wannabes?"

Kadaj walked into the room, sword resting on his shoulder. "If it isn't big brother Cloud."

Both Angeal and Zack stopped their fight mid-attack to glare at the intruder. "Great, it's you guys," the older SOLDIER muttered.

"Don't worry," Zack said, turning his attention to the Remnant. "I'll handle this."

Aerith placed herself between Kadaj and Zack. "Kadaj, what are you doing here?" she asked gently.

"Aerith, if you baby them…" Zack muttered.

"You'll do what?" the Ancient retorted.

Kadaj's aquamarine eyes were wide in shock. "M-mother," he stammered, surprised to see her.

"Mother?" Cloud and Tifa asked.

"Long story," Zack whispered.

"Are Loz and Yazoo with you?" Aerith asked.

"Aerith, just let me handle this my way," Zack muttered.

Cloud glanced over at Angeal standing serenely next to him. The older SOLDIER held his gaze for a moment before lashing out with his sword. Cloud cried out as he leapt back.

"Thunda!" Terra exclaimed, throwing her spell at the tall swordsman. It just passed right through him. "What the…!"

"I'm dead," Angeal said. "You cannot kill or hurt me."

"So your attacks hurt us, but our attacks do nothing?" Terra asked.

"Pretty much."

"How does that one work out?" the exasperated half-esper asked.

Suddenly there was a large crash in the kitchen followed by a chorus of screams.

--

The drumstick struck Sephiroth squarely in the hip before bouncing harmlessly to the floor. "Pathetic," Sephiroth replied, raising his sword to strike down Refia. The auburn-haired girl raised her arms in a feeble last attempt to protect herself.

A low, menacing growl caused all four heads to turn and face the fallen chicken leg.

"Did that piece of fried meat just growl at me?" Sephiroth asked.

"I'm not sure," Luneth replied.

Sephiroth glanced behind Luneth and Arc, eyebrows raised slightly. "Intriguing."

"What?" Luneth asked, slowly turning around. A gargantuan mass of shredded carrot and cabbage loomed menacingly over him. "Is this coleslaw?" he asked, hesitantly poking it. A mouth suddenly appeared on the blob and the creature roared at Luneth. The silver-haired boy screamed in terror, lashing out with his sword.

A tentacle shot out of the monster's body, wrapping itself around Luneth's sword. Jerking the sword out of his grasp, it swallowed the sword whole. Violet eyes stared at his now empty hand in shock for a second before Luneth and Arc clung to each other in terror. With a cry of horror, both took off past Refia and Sephiroth.

"Cowards!" Refia cried, spinning to glare at them. While she was distracted, the coleslaw beast had shot out a tentacle at her. She cried as it flew at her. However, the silver arc of a falling sword severed the tentacle in two.

Refia looked up at Sephiroth in shock. "Did you just save me?"

"No, I saved myself," the swordsman replied. He turned to face the beast.

"I think we're going to have to call a temporary truce," Refia said.

"I do not need your help," Sephiroth responded tersely. "I can handle this menace easily."

--

The door to the kitchen flew open, slamming into Loz. Luneth and Arc came flying into the room, catching everyone's attention.

"Coleslaw ate sword…monster…Refia…we ran…"

"Luneth, calm down; you're not making any sense," Cloud said, keeping a wary eye on Angeal. "Start from the beginning."

--

"You know," Refia said with an evil smirk, "for someone who doesn't need my help, you sure look like you could use my help."

Sephiroth glared at the girl, but chose not to grace her remark with a comment. He was pinned to the wall by one of the coleslaw monster's appendages while said monster devoured his sword.

"I don't think you're going to get out of there all by yourself," Refia continued.

"What do you have in mind?" Sephiroth conceded, knowing there was no other way out of this situation.

"You and I make a truce to defeat this monster and you agree to three things before I free you."

Sephiroth remained silent.

"You pay me 500 gil."

"All right."

"You don't kill me."

"Understandable."

"And you agree to train me."

Sephiroth stared at Refia blankly. "…What?"

"I've decided that you are way cooler than basically everyone here, so I want to be your apprentice!"

"I don't take apprentices."

"Please!" the girl begged.

"Villains don't beg. You are already showing me that you lack several basic qualities in order to be an effective villain."

Refia's gaze hardened. "Fine. I'll just sit here and watch the coleslaw beast eat you."

Sephiroth smirked. "Could you? Could you just sit there and watch me die? I don't think so. How would your conscience let you sleep at night?"

"The same way it did when I turned Luneth into a toad and tried to feed him to an alligator," Refia replied. "I haven't lost a wink of sleep over that incident, and I wouldn't have even if the alligator really did eat him. I can watch you die easy."

"Hmm," Sephiroth replied. "Perhaps you have some potential. I shall consider your offer."

"That's the best I'm going to get, isn't it?" Refia asked.

"Yes."

Refia sighed before picking up the coffeemaker and flinging it at the creature.

"What are you doing?" Sephiroth asked.

"I figure that if I give it something complicated and hard to digest than it will let go of you to eat it."

"You're going to need something more than a mere coffeemaker," Sephiroth responded.

Refia's eyes lit up. "Be right back."

--

"And then we poked the giant mass of coleslaw and it growled at us," Luneth said. "It stole my sword! And then…"

A red-haired ninja flew into the living room, grabbed something off the wall, and flew back toward the kitchen.

"Hey you can't…" Tidus started to say, but Refia had already retreated into the kitchen. He stared at her in shock for a moment. "Did she really just come in here, jerk our thirty inch flat screen TV off the wall, and run back into the kitchen, presumably to fight some coleslaw monster with it?"

"It looks that way," Cecil said.

"How are we supposed to play Final Fantasy XIII now?" Zidane asked.

"Guys, Refia is fighting a colossal coleslaw demon all by herself!" Luneth exclaimed.

"What happened to Sephiroth?" Cloud asked.

"I was kind of hoping he got eaten," Luneth said.

"Guys, Refia," Arc reminded everybody.

--

Refia flew into the kitchen, tossing the plasma TV into the monster's chest. Distracted by its new snack, it released its hold on Sephiroth.

Sephiroth eyed Refia curiously. "So let me get this straight: you just threw a 30 inch, flat-screen, plasma television into the mouth of a coleslaw behemoth?"

"It worked, didn't it?" Refia asked with a shrug.

"You don't have any respect for private property, do you?"

"Never have."

Sephiroth absently nodded. "And why do you fight with the heroes?"

"Because I had nothing better to do at the time," the redhead responded.

"I see." He leapt back as a tentacle slammed down where he had previously been standing.

"I've got this!" Refia declared triumphantly. She turned back into a dark knight, using her dark blade to sever off a tentacle. Five seconds later, she looked at the monster in shock as it devoured her sword. "That was my favorite weapon," she whispered angrily. "Bitch."

"I believe the situation calls for a temporary strategic withdrawal," Sephiroth said.

"You mean a retreat," Refia stated bluntly.

"No, a temporary strategic withdrawal," Sephiroth reiterated.

"Oh. A temporary retreat."

"Well I suppose it is a retreat, but it's only temporary."

"Which makes it strategic."

"Exactly."

"But just so we're both on the same page," Refia said. "We're not running away."

"Of course not. Villains never run away. If they leave a battle, it is because they have better things to do than defeat the good guys."

"And if they lose, it's because they're luring their enemies into a false sense of security."

"You're learning fast."

"But we should probably go hide in the pantry to think up a game plan."

"That would be a good idea." The two bolted into the pantry.

Refia looked around the pantry, eyes falling on a package a few shelves above Sephiroth's head. "Do you have some kind of fire spell?"

"I have some fire materia," Sephiroth responded. "Why?"

Refia darted up to reach her prize. "Flour explodes when bottled up, right?"

Sephiroth smiled slowly. "I like the sound of that."

--

A large explosion shook the entire house. "What was that?" the Warrior of Light asked, more annoyed than concerned.

Sephiroth casually walked into the room, sheathing his Masamune. "Your coleslaw just attacked me," he informed Cloud.

"On the bright side," Refia said. "I think the plasma TV thing might have survived."

"Who just throws a TV at a coleslaw beast?" Firion asked.

"I do," Refia responded.

"And she broke the coffeemaker," Luneth input.

"Did not," Refia countered. "Sephiroth destroyed it; I just threw it at him."

Eight sets of eyes fixed on Refia, some shocked, others hostile. "You broke the coffee machine?" Terra asked.

"I don't get what the big deal is," Refia replied.

"The Warrior of Light needs his caffeine in the morning!" Zidane exclaimed. "You haven't seen him when he's cranky."

"I do believe you are exaggerating," the Warrior of Light said.

"You are a completely different person in the morning," Tidus replied. "You are _so_ not a morning person."

"No, I'm not."

"Anything else get broken?" Squall asked.

"No, but I am a villain now."

"What!?" Luneth and Arc exclaimed.

"I'm his apprentice!" Refia exclaimed, pointing at Sephiroth. "He is way cooler than you all, except you, you, and you." She pointed at the Warrior of Light, Auron, and Faris respectively.

"You can't be a villain!" Luneth protested. "You're a light warrior; you're a good guy."

"I'm a good girl gone bad," Refia said. "I was never very good at being good anyways."

"Yes you were."

"Actually," Arc said. "She tried to feed you to an alligator, threatened us multiple times, and won a lot of money off you and Ingus by cheating in poker."

"I count cards," Refia said. "That's not cheating; it's called strategy."

"She's definitely a villain," Cloud muttered.

"I've got two reasons why she should join us," Jecht said. "Half of these guys are gay…"

"What!" Bartz, Zidane, and Tidus exclaimed.

"You're a crybaby, you're in love with roses, you wore a dress, you were the only guy in your party…"

"That makes me a pimp," Bartz declared before Faris punched him in the face.

"No, that makes you gay," Jecht continued. "And you wear more makeup than your wife."

Cecil rolled his eyes. "My lips are naturally this color; it is my Lunarian blood."

"You wear beads in your hair then," Jecht said.

"And the second reason?" Refia asked.

"Look what I can do?" A blitzball appeared in Jecht's hand and he leapt into the air, performing his signature Jecht Shot, taking out Arc.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Sephiroth asked.

"No, he's got a point," Tidus said.

Firion rolled his eyes and backhanded his friend. "Shut up."

The door to the kitchen flew open, slamming into Luneth as it flew off its hinges. "Dude, you so gotta help us," a blue-haired young man in a green and brown tunic exclaimed, pointing at the Warrior of Light. A stoic black mage stood next to him.

"How did you find me? What are you doing here? And who's paying for the door?"

"Pris gave us a vague idea of where she was disappearing off to," the thief replied. "We're getting to why we're here, and the door? You don't need to buy a new door; you can easily screw that back into place."

"Then who is going to fix the door."

"We can solve the issue of the door later," the black mage responded calmly. "We have a much more pressing issue of being falsely accused of different crimes."

"Then you should talk with Desmond. He is very familiar with the law and would make an excellent lawyer," the Warrior of Light replied.

"Yeah, well our red mage friend happens to agree on the side of the law," the thief responded evasively.

The Warrior of Light rolled his eyes. "Which leads me to believe that you are on the wrong side of the law."

"Not necessarily," the black mage said.

"What did you do?"

"They tried to rob Baron Castle and kidnapped me in the process," a dry voice retorted from the doorway.

_A/N: Yet another newcomer. Have no idea who he is? (Check where he's from.) I hope you enjoyed all the epic comedic fights; they were so much fun to write. Also let me introduce the Thief of Light, Glen Cooper, and the Black Mage of Light (isn't that a contradiction?) J. (Yes, just J.) _

_We interrupt your story to bring you this important announcement: check out my Dissida Oneshots if you haven't already! Thanks for all the reviews!!!_

**Archsage328: No whack-a-One-Winged-Angel, but he does get mauled by a coleslaw monster. ;) Also, it was Angeal although Seifer would make an interesting cameo to say the least, hmm… Kefka probably would enjoy the whack-a-Sephiroth though.**

**Sakura Sama 101: Rosa indeed has her husband trained. (Wow, I'm in the middle of 4 right now, too!) I hope Refia was twice as amusing in this chapter; she is fun to write. Nope, Cloud already did something to Terra's sword. (Used it to pick the lock on the closet which she used to store his materia.) I had to put Zack and Aerith in.**

**MonMonCandie: Aw, thanks for making me your hero. *hugs* It was Angeal.**

**ReplicaRiku'sgirl: Braska and Jecht are very suspicious. Yeah, villains just seem to make better pay. (Of course Cecil's loaded so…) Well, I can Refia using the toad spell to win an argument.**

**XxGoodGirlGoneTobixX: Who else will show is a surprise. (Expect Denzel and Marlene, Mikoto, the Cloud of Darkness, the Emperor, and Ultimecia. Everyone else is a surprise.) Fenrir is currently nonexistent, but Cloud will eventually repair (just probably not in this fic.) Don't worry, Sephiroth only wants to kill Luneth and his friends.**

**Canis Cantus: Yeah, I just decided to throw Shuyin in for some antagonism between him and Tidus (which I don't think I did very much of so it defeats the purpose of him showing up in the first place.) Angeal is indeed trying his hardest to make Cloud suffer. And Cloud does use his restoration of the sword in his defense (but it still doesn't change the fact that he let it rust.)**

**GreenOpalus: Angeal was the guy at the end of the chapter. Glad so many people like Zack and Aerith. They will stick around longer than the other ghosties.**

**Ala Alba EC: Well now I do know that Refia hates toads, which would explain why she had no remorse over trying to feed a toad Luneth to an alligator. Yes, Rosa owns her husband, period. Cloud didn't do anything to Masamune; he just left the Buster Blade to rust in the wilderness.**

**Skyhanhunter: Zack is in Birth By Sleep!!! And Angeal did show up!**

**Meitanteikid: Oh yes, it did suck for them (although Refia's pretty cheerful about the outcome.)**

**Beaslays: Yes it's Angeal. Well yes, it's just a coincidence that he can move as soon as Zack and Aerith get there, but he uses their entrance to slip away. It was fun to write the part about money and couching.**

**Tabuukilla: Well, I see Cloud and Terra more as siblings than a romantic relationships, although Tifa is still a little suspicious. Squall might lock them in a closet anyway though…and they would probably destroy each other.**

**Randomzzz: Well, Sephiroth didn't murder poor Refia. And Angeal hasn't killed Cloud yet. I might do an author cameo, but it will be a bit later. And someone else (Zidane, Sephiroth, and Angeal) might make Cloud wear a dress coming up. *Spoiler…too late…***

**Alisa makora: Angeal has arrived. So Zidane might conveniently happen to have said dress in his possession already (although why he'd have a dress in the first place is the real question, womanizer or not.)**

**OneWingedHeron53: Well, I kinda planned on a fight but never actually wrote it. I guess Shuyin can come back to fetch Aerith and Zack for some farplane/lifestream/realm of the dead crisis. I can find some way to bring him back. It will be because they have to establish who's the better warrior though, not because Shuyin went psycho again.**

**Haretikers: Thanks for the fav. Yeah, I try to do my research since it annoys me when other authors mess up characters so I try to learn as much as I can. (But as pointed out by several reviewers, I don't know everything.) Glad you like the story.**

**Xernuht: Angeal is the next guest.**

**Kira is Watching You: Oh I love to torture everyone, but Cloud is always a fan favorite. Ingus will also eventually make a cameo, but he only gets teased about Sara. Edge and Rydia might show up (there's too many Final Fantasy characters!) Don't expect Balthier and Fran. Selphie and Irvine…I don't know. I'll think about it.**

**Tntk-2: It must be nice having an iPod touch, I just want a normal phone. If I got one of those, I'd probably break it in a week. No, the sword just got rusty, Cloud depinkified it.**

**s.a.e.i.a.-.e.u.c.a: Okay two reviews for different chapters, thanks! Yes, Zidane will be Zidane, and yes it was Angeal.**


	10. Of Troublemakers, Siblings, and Clones

_A/N: I apologize for how long this took, but school is slowly killing me, but I'm almost ready to graduate so I'm about to be free! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter despite its lateness._

**Chapter Ten: Of Troublemakers, Siblings, and Clones**

"Kain!" Rosa exclaimed, rushing to embrace the dragoon standing in the doorway. "How are you?"

"I was just abducted by those two while castle-sitting for you two. I'm just peachy." He made no effort to disguise the sarcasm in his voice.

Golbez glanced over at his younger brother sitting tensely on the sofa. "You are so jealous."

"Jealous?" Cecil asked. "Kain is my best friend, and I married Rosa. Why should I be jealous? I'm pretty sure we solved the whole 'unrequited love' issue." Regardless, his fists unconsciously tightened as Rosa beamed at Kain.

"Oh yes," Golbez said. "You're jealous and paranoid."

"Listen, Quinn," the Thief of Light exclaimed, pointing at the knight for emphasis, "You can't judge us until…"

"Why?" the Warrior of Light asked.

The thief smirked. "Why what, Quinn? You have to be more specific than that. Like why is the sky blue? Or why is my favorite color green? Or why J here won't tell us his freaking name!" The thief glared at his black mage counterpart at that part.

"My name is J," the Black Mage calmly replied.

"Nobody has just a letter for their name," the thief responded hotly.

"Why did you kidnap the dragoon?" the Warrior asked.

"He was a witness," the Black Mage responded.

"To what?"

"To what what?" the Thief retorted.

"I caught them trying to rob Baron Castle," Kain explained. "Then they knocked me unconscious."

"Well, why didn't you just leave him in Baron and escape?" Priscilla asked.

"We planned on coming back to the Treasury," the Thief said.

"Why do you even need money in the first place?" the Warrior asked.

"None of your business."

"I think it is my business," Cecil input, "seeing as you tried to rob my castle."

"Your castle?" the Thief asked.

"I'm the King of Baron."

"Oh…" the Thief said, looking away. "Crap. Well, I owe some people money and have to pay off a bail for thievery while J here is in trouble for tax evasion…which I don't understand."

"Now, now, Glen," the Black Mage said. "If you don't pay your taxes, you'll end up in trouble."

"I was unaware that you had citizenship in any country for them to charge you taxes," the Warrior of Light said. "Or that any country had enough information on you to find you."

"You'd be surprised at the number of things you don't know about me," J said.

"Seeing as I don't even know five things about you," the Warrior of Light muttered.

"Hey," Zidane input. "You're always telling us not to exaggerate."

"I'm not exaggerating," the Warrior of Light replied. "He claims his name is J; he is a skilled black mage; he bears the fire crystal; and he randomly showed up to help us confront Garland for the first time, and we've been stuck with him ever since. That's it."

"And he likes cats more than dogs," Priscilla said.

"Really?" the Thief asked.

"Yes," J replied. "Cats are much cleaner and more manageable than dogs."

"That's five," the Thief said. "Learn something new every day."

"Oh come on," Tidus said. "What's his favorite color?"

"Either red or black," Glen said.

"Well is it red?" Zidane asked.

"It could be," the Black Mage responded.

"What's that supposed to mean?" the genome asked.

"Never expect a straight answer from J," the Warrior said. "You won't get one. At all."

"Believe me," Glen said. "We've tried."

"That still doesn't explain why you dragged Kain all the way out here," Cecil said. "What were you gonna do: throw him off a bridge into a river?"

"Hey, give us some credit," Glen protested. "We weren't gonna kill the guy. We were going to wake him up and then push him off a bridge into a shallow stream." He glanced over at Kain warily. "I probably shouldn't say that with you right there with that angry look and the pointy spear."

"I am about five seconds from killing you."

"Well that's pleasant."

"At least I'm giving you a warning: most don't get that."

"I feel so flattered," Glen said. "Pris, help me out here."

"Glen, since when have I ever helped you?" the White Mage asked.

"Touché," the Thief responded sourly. "Is there a way we can resolve this peacefully?"

"You give back what you stole," the Warrior of Light said calmly.

"We didn't take anything from the castle," Glen protested.

"And then you apologize."

"Ap…ap…what?" the Thief sputtered.

"Apologize." The Warrior of Light's voice was mockingly calm. "It means to admit…"

"I know what I means, Quinn," Glen shot back. "Thank you very much. I refuse to humiliate myself like that, and I doubt it would pacify our dragoon friend."

"I would hardly call us friends," Kain said tersely.

"Perhaps we should just throw ourselves at the feet of Princess Sarah and beg for her clemency," Glen sighed.

"You would," J, Priscilla, and Quinn muttered under their breath.

"Well what would resolve this situation for you?" the helmed swordsman asked the sullen dragoon.

"Well, I would like to kill them," Kain replied, "but I suppose an apology will suffice for now."

"For now? What's that supposed to mean?" Glen asked.

"You had better never meet me in a dark alley," Kain warned.

"I'm an expert at escaping dark alleys," the Thief boasted.

"With a lance halfway up your…"

"All right," the Warrior of Light said hastily. "Let's just apologize and end this."

"Sorry," Glen muttered, rolling his eyes. "Are we good now?"

The Warrior of Light just sighed. "Everyone, this is Glen, the Thief of Light, and J, the Black Mage of Light."

"Isn't that contradictory?" Luneth asked. "I mean, a Black Mage of Light?"

"What?" Arc asked. "Are black mages automatically evil?"

"I didn't say they were evil," Luneth protested. "I just said the title is an oxymoron."

"J is probably the closest you can get to evil at times," the Warrior of Light said.

"I have my redeeming moments," the indignant wizard said.

"Far and few."

"They're still there."

"Touché. Glen and J are the two shadiest people I know."

"Glen's not shady; he's just juvenile," Priscilla corrected.

"But J is shady?" Firion asked.

"We don't even know his real name," Glen said. "He tells us absolutely nothing about himself: where he's from, how he knows all the people he does, why he even joined us in the first place, etc."

"How long have you known him?" Terra asked in shock.

"Five years."

"Cosmos," Cloud muttered.

"So, Quinn," the Thief said. "Who are all these lovely people?"

"We don't have time to introduce everyone," the Warrior of Light said.

"Sure you do."

"I'm pretty sure that the Warrior of Light could name everybody here and how they're related to us Cosmos Warriors," Tidus said.

"The Warrior of Light?" Glen asked. "You actually call him that?"

"We just found out his name was Quinn earlier when what's-her-name arrived," Zidane said.

"You didn't even tell your own comrades your own name." Glen asked. "Tsk, tsk, Quinn."

"I made that mistake with you all," the Warrior of Light muttered.

"Well, I suppose you were vaguely annoyed by the Quinn jokes," J observed.

"I wanna hear some," Zidane piped.

"No," the Warrior of Light said.

"Like, it's a pleasure to meet your a-Quinn-tance. Or this is all one huge co-Quinn-cidence or…"

"Glen, shut up," the Warrior of Light ordered.

"I have plethora of these," Glen said. "You can't silence…" He glared at Priscilla who held his gaze silently.

"Obviously you can silence the troublemaker," J mused. "I guess it is possible. So about all these people I don't know…"

"Well we might as well introduce ourselves," Firion said. "I'm Firion and this is Maria."

"I'm Luneth," the silver-haired boy said. "And this is my best friend Arc." Refia cleared her throat loudly, glaring at Luneth. "And that's Refia; she used to be my friend, but she turned evil for no reason so she's not anymore."

"No reason?" the redhead exclaimed. "The bad guys are at least ten times cooler than you guys. No offense to anyone else."

"Villains never apologize for offending someone," Sephiroth said.

"Oh right, sor…"

"Well she's learning," Jecht observed.

"I'm Cecil; this is my wife Rosa, and our son Ceodore. This is my older brother Golbez. And you've already met Kain."

"Don't remind me," J muttered. "About the robbing your castle thing…we didn't actually take anything so…"

"It's all right," Cecil said.

"I wish the dragoon could be so forgiving," the Black Mage responded.

"You basically admitted to planning on throwing me into a river," Kain retorted.

"Actually, Glen was going to push you into a river. _I_ wanted to throw you into a river, but who's counting?"

Kain rolled his eyes.

"I'm Bartz; this is Lenna – who's super nice – and Faris – who's really mean," the brunette replied.

"I'm Terra," the half-esper said. "And this is Locke and Celes."

"Aren't you forgetting somebody?" a certain obnoxious voice demanded.

"And that's a clown who wandered too far from his circus," Celes said, indicating Kefka.

"Charming, Ice Princess. Now…" However, Kefka was interrupted by the Black Mage of Light.

"Exactly how many villains of Chaos are here?" J asked.

"Technically speaking, we are the villains of Chaos since we fight against Chaos," Zidane said. "But if you mean _villain_ villains, then there are two-and-a-half. Well…five on Chaos' side, but two aren't evil at all."

"How can you be only half a villain?" Luneth asked.

"And who are you counting as only half a villain?" Garnet asked curiously.

"Kuja is kinda-sorta good," Zidane muttered sheepishly.

"I'm what!" the older genome exclaimed indignantly.

Both Jecht and Sephiroth snickered. "Easy there, pretty boy," the older, muscular blitzballer said. "Don't get your feathers all ruffled."

"You saved our lives," Zidane pointed out.

"You weren't exactly much of a villain anyways," Sephiroth added.

"Much of a villain? I started a war that tore an entire planet into factions. I caused the death of thousands and…"

"If you want our respect," Jecht said, "ditch the thong and belly shirt. There's a reason you're mistaken for a girl or gay."

"How else am I supposed to show off this glorious body?" Kuja asked.

"Narcissist," Zidane spat.

"You're merely jealous."

"Of you? Hardly. I was created perfect."

"Zidane, don't go there," Garnet muttered.

"I'll show you perfection!" Kuja countered, blasting Zidane with a firaga spell.

Garnet cast a reflect spell. "Hello, innocent princess, right here."

Zidane lunged at Kuja. "How dare you attack my Dagger!"

"It's times like these when he's all overprotective that I almost forgive him for being a flirt." Garnet sighed. "Almost doesn't let him off easy though."

Soon Kuja and Zidane were busy flinging attack after attack at each other. Kuja attacked viciously with varied spells while Zidane lunged in for close-ranged attacks, twin daggers flying in flashing arcs. However, a figure darted in between them, sending them soaring in completely opposite directions. Zidane conveniently landed in front of Garnet, who promptly placed her feet on top of his back.

"Damn it, Mik," Zidane said at the same time Kuja mumbled, "'Koto."

A young female genome stood apathetically between her two brothers, rolling blue eyes at them. "I am forever having to babysit you two morons," she muttered with a resigned sigh.

"What are you doing here?" Kuja demanded.

"My instincts told me that you two idiots would be causing trouble so I came to stop you."

"Great sisterly love there, Mik," Zidane said.

"You're their sister?" Squall asked.

"Sadly," the girl replied.

"I pity you," the brunette said.

"What's that supposed to mean, Squall?" Zidane asked angrily.

"Oh, so you're Mikoto!" Bartz exclaimed. "Somehow I got the impression that you looked different. More like the girly Kuja and less like a girl version of Zidane."

"What?" the girl asked through clenched teeth.

"Don't say that she looks like me," Zidane input. "She hates that."

"Because she was basically created to be a female replacement of you," Kuja muttered.

Mikoto glared at him. "Because you basically threw Zidane away."

"So you should thank me for your existence in the first place," Kuja retorted.

"Zidane, your family is weird," Luneth observed.

"I think I know that," the genome thief retorted.

"You can't exactly be normal when you're born from a test tube," Mikoto said.

"Well if everyone was normal, wouldn't that be weird?" Luneth asked.

"I think Luneth missed his calling in life," Cloud muttered. "He should be a philosopher."

"I thought you said Luneth should be a lawyer," Tidus said.

"Well he can be both then."

"A philosophical lawyer?" Bartz asked skeptically. "Cloud, that doesn't even make sense."

"Well me and Spiky here know all about test tubes," Zack said, placing his arm around his blond friend. "Four freaking years in a test tube!"

Cloud just shrugged noncommittally.

"Well that explains a lot," Squall muttered, earning a glare from the blond swordsman.

"This is quite a varied group," J observed. "Now where were we in the introduction?"

"Cloud!" Luneth exclaimed.

Cloud sighed. "I'm Cloud. This is Tifa, Aerith, and Zack. This will sound weird, but the last two are dead."

"Then how are they here?" J asked.

"Aerith here is an Ancient, so she can cross the vale between the living and the dead," Zack explained.

"You don't look that old," J commented.

"Thank you," Aerith responded. "But that's what my race of people is…or was called."

"Angeal was here," Cloud added, "but he took the trio of Sephiroth wannabes back to the Lifestream."

"And Sephiroth is here," Zack said, "but we're trying to ignore him."

"Why are you even here still?" Cloud asked.

"Wasting time."

"Pardon?"

"Garland's biweekly conference starts in five minutes," Golbez explained.

"We try to avoid them by all means possible," Jecht elaborated.

"Extremely boring," Kefka input. "An entire twenty minutes devoid of anything entertaining such as burning soldiers and screaming unfortunates."

"Kefka, you seem to have forgotten the way back from your insane asylum," Celes muttered.

"Charming, Celes, charming. And you…"

"I'm Rinoa and this is Squall!" the cheerful girl interjected, hoping to avoid more conflict.

"The Cosmos Warriors are supposed to introduce their guests!" Bartz said.

"Squall? Speaking when he doesn't have to? That's a good one."

"Touché," Bartz told the dark-haired sorceress.

"I'm Zidane; this is Garnet, my beloved girlfriend."

"You're still not forgiven," the princess replied.

"And my little sister Mikoto…and Kuja."

"Just Kuja?"

"At least I introduced you. The other villains didn't get introduced."

Mikoto eyed her blond brother with raised eyebrows. "Why are you being used as a footstool?"

"He cheated on me," Garnet responded.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Zidane protested. "I will admit to light-hearted flirting and skirt-chasing, but I did not cheat on you."

"I'd call it cheating," Rinoa said.

"Not helping, Squall's girlfriend," Zidane said, glaring at her.

"Zidane," Mikoto began. "There's a little something I need to say to you."

"Don't even think about it," the thief warned.

"**I."**

"Mikoto."

"**Told**."

"If you finish…"

"**You**."

"…that sentence…"

"**So**."

"Ugh. You finished the sentence!"

Mikoto turned to face the dark-haired princess-summoner. "I told you so as well."

"I know," Garnet muttered.

"Told her what?" Zidane asked.

"To get a dog since it would be more faithful than you are," Mikoto responded.

"Oh burn!" Bartz, Luneth, and Tidus exclaimed.

Zidane's shocked, offended expression was priceless. "Mikoto, you are a cruel…" His eyes fell on the jar in her left hand. "Where did you get that?"

"It was left open on one of the counters in the kitchen," Mikoto replied with a shrug.

"I wouldn't trust anything in the kitchen," Firion responded.

"Oh, it's safe," Luneth responded.

"And how would you know that?" Zidane asked, glaring at the silver-haired boy.

"Um…I…uh…"

"How many times have I told you not to touch my food!"

The violet-eyed kid scurried behind Refia, placing her between himself and a furious Zidane. "Refia, use your newfound powers of darkness and save me!"

However, Refia merely stepped out of the way. "I can't help you; you're a good guy."

"Th-that has absolutely nothing to do with it!" Luneth protested. "Surely there's a clause that if you used to be friends…"

"I use to be friends with Sephiroth," Zack said, "but that didn't stop him from nearly killing me."

"And destroying our hometown," Cloud and Tifa chimed.

"And killing my father," Tifa continued.

"And my mother," Cloud added.

"And Aerith!" all three exclaimed, pointing at the girl in pink who looked up in shock. "I don't see what the problem is: I forgave him for that."

"You what you…" Cloud looked at the emerald-eyed specter in shock.

"I guess I'm the last of us to introduce our guests," Tidus said, more tired of waiting than anything else. "I'm Tidus; this beautiful woman is my girlfriend, Yuna."

"Tidus," she said, shoving him lightly, a deep blush spreading across her face.

"The two older ghosts are Braska and Auron," Tidus added.

"And?" Jecht prodded.

"That's my old man," Tidus muttered.

"You could learn a little more respect," Jecht muttered.

"You can be a better father."

"Maybe if you showed more respect…"

"Maybe if you were a better father…"

"Tidus, grow up," the Warrior of Light muttered.

"Grow up?" Tidus sputtered. "You can't…never mind."

"Excuse me," a voice input. "I don't want to interrupt anything, but…"

"Tidus, it's your clone again!" Luneth exclaimed.

Shuyin scowled. "Actually it's the other way around. Now, all I need is…"

"I thought you didn't want to be here," Tidus responded.

"I don't," Shuyin responded. "I only…"

"Because he wants to be with Lenne," Zack teased.

"Yes, I do," Shuyin responded, "even if the Farplane is rather boring. Now…"

"Then why are you here?" Jecht asked.

Shuyin rolled his eyes. "I'm getting there. If you would stop interrupting…" Glancing around the room, he sighed, turning to face Braska and Jecht. "Your wives are having some afternoon tea thing, and they sent me to see if you would come."

"With the implication that we have to come or else?" Braska asked.

Shuyin shrugged. "Something along those lines."

"You came all the way from the Farplane just to spoil our day with that news?" Jecht asked.

"Hey, I'm just the messenger boy. Don't blame me; I'm just relaying what they told me."

"You don't have to suffer at this tea thing," the older blitzballer said.

"Yes, I do," Shuyin scowled. "Lenne thought it sounded fun, so got both of us invited. And seeing as you can't fake having another conflict in the Farplane…"

"What tea thing is this?" Tidus asked.

"Oh, the ladies just like to have afternoon tea sometimes," Braska replied.

"There's not exactly much else to do in the Farplane except socialize," Auron replied. "The most action we got was helping Yuna defeat Vegnagun."

"And Shuyin," Tidus observed, glaring at his look-a-like.

"And where were you during all of that?" Yuna asked. "Braska, Jecht, and Auron all knew what was going on; why didn't you?"

"I was being held hostage by the fayth so they could experiment on me," Tidus responded sourly. "They wanted to see if they could turn me from a dream back into reality again. It worked. But let's just say they tried 217 times before it was successful."

"Well what happened those other 217 times?" Yuna asked.

"Mostly nothing; occasionally they caused a wormhole into another dimension, but that's not important."

"So that's how that wormhole to the Fourth Dimension opened up in my world!" Bartz exclaimed, whirling around to face Faris. "I told you it wasn't my fault!"

"We all agreed that the warp hole wasn't your fault," Faris responded evenly. "But the elephant on my ship…"

"That was my fault."

"How on earth did you?" Lenna started to ask, but decided against it.

"Anyways," Shuyin said. "Do I have an answer to give your wives?"

"Seeing as we don't have a choice," Braska muttered.

"I'm not going," Jecht responded. "There is nothing masculine about those tea get-togethers. You can tell her I decided to spend some quality time with my son."

"But you're not," Tidus responded.

"Yeah, but the thought's there?"

"What thought?"

"I suppose I can say here," Auron said.

"If you want that priest's daughter to bug you," Shuyin responded. "Your only option out of that is the tea."

"Tea it is then," the sunglass-wearing swordsman said.

"Well Yuna, looks like I'll be leaving you," Braska told his daughter.

"Tell Mom I said hi," the heterochromatic-eyed girl said with a smile.

Braska nodded. "Will do." He turned to face Auron. "All right, looks like we're leaving." He turned to face Shuyin before frowning. "What are you…"

"I'm busy, one sec," the blond said. He was arm wrestling Tidus, but neither had any advantage over the other; in fact, their arms weren't even moving.

"You two are the same strength," Yuna said. "You'll be here all day."

"One of us has to be the stronger one," Tidus said. "And I'm not stopping until I prove it's me."

"You're just a dream," Shuyin responded.

"At least I'm alive."

Yuna rolled her eyes.

"Won't your wife be angry if you don't go?" Cecil asked.

"Probably," Jecht responded, "but there is absolutely nothing that will make me…"

"JECHT AND KUJA!"

"On second thought, tea sounds like a great idea," Jecht responded. "See ya!" He vanished in a flash of pyreflies.

Kuja's eyes were wide with fear. "Wait you can't just leave me…alone."

Kefka laughed hysterically. "Oh, I was also going to ask you what you and Jecht did to the…"

Before he finish speaking, however, a large explosion ripped a giant hole in the wall.

_A/N: The poor mansion has lost windows, doors, and now walls. Well, the X adults have left at least so hopefully they'll have a little more room in there. Guess who showed up (it's a villain of Chaos obviously). Let's just say Kuja and Jecht didn't think whatever they did through. Please click that little button below. You know you want to. ;D Feel free to tell me your favorite line as well._


	11. The Rest of the Villains

_A/N: I realized I forgot to do my review thanks at the end of last chapter, so I apologize to all the people who reviewed chapter nine. I always appreciate you guys. Without further ado, here is the next chapter!_

**Chapter Eleven: The Rest of the Villains**

Kuja looked up in horror at the fearsome Cloud of Darkness. "I can explain…" the genome said sheepishly.

"What did you do to piss her off?" Zidane smirked, enjoying every minute of his brother's terror.

"Long story," Kuja shot back, taking several steps back.

The Warrior of Light sighed as he gazed at the large, gaping hole in the wall. They really ought to get better, more comprehensive home insurance on this place even if it would be a bit out-of-the-way to insure. Already they had two or three damaged doors, two broken windows, some damaged furniture, a ruined kitchen (which he didn't even want to think about), and now a large gaping hole from the outside to their living room. Oh and their expensive television may or may not have been demolished by the coleslaw monster Refia and Sephiroth had taken out. He absently rubbed his temple. "Do none of you villains have a respect for our property?"

"We hardly care about anything you own," the Cloud of Darkness shot back. "We prefer to destroy everything anyways."

"Point taken," the Warrior of Light muttered, rubbing his temples in an effort to stave off the headache he knew was coming.

"Seriously," Zidane said to his brother. "What did you do to her?"

"We have our reasons for being angry with him and Jecht," the Cloud of Darkness responded heatedly before looking around the room. "Where is Jecht anyways?"

"He went to the afterlife," Golbez replied.

"Coward," Kuja muttered darkly before ducking under the Cloud of Darkness' attack.

"Can you at least kill Kuja outside of our house?" the Warrior of Light asked.

"We will destroy him wherever we feel like it," the Cloud of Darkness shot back.

"Well, you'll have to go through me, Arc, and Refia to do it," Luneth shot back confidently.

"Uh, Luneth, there's a slight problem with that statement," the redhead said. "I'm not on your team anymore! I'm a villain, remember?"

The Cloud of Darkness looked at Refia strangely.

"Yep," Refia said. "I'm Sephiroth's apprentice."

The Cloud of Darkness looked at Sephiroth with raised eyebrows. "You accepted the annoying redhead…"

"Long story," Sephiroth responded.

"I helped him defeat a coleslaw monster," Refia responded proudly.

"A what?" the Thief of Light asked.

"Check the kitchen," Arc muttered.

During this discussion, Kuja had slowly been inching his way toward the giant hole in the wall, hoping to escape unnoticed. However, just before he made it outside, the Cloud of Darkness whirled around, one of her tentacles striking him with a Thundara spell.

"Hold it," Zidane said, placing himself between the Cloud of Darkness and Kuja. "I am going to protect my brother until I find out what happened."

The Cloud of Darkness merely zapped Zidane with enough energy to send him flying into the opposite wall. Garnet could barely hold off her laughter while even Mikoto looked highly amused.

"And you're doing an excellent job at that," the female genome said.

Zidane glared at her.

"They may have dumped a large tub of water on her and sucked her up in a vacuum," Golbez said.

"You tried to suck her up in a vacuum?" Zidane asked incredulously.

"We _did_ suck her up in a vacuum," Kuja replied. "She the _Cloud_ of Darkness."

"So?" Luneth asked. "We have a _Cloud_, but we can't suck him up in a vacuum." The silver-haired boy green thoughtful. "Actually, we never tried so…"

"Don't even think about it," Cloud said.

"I'll think about it all I want, Cloud," Luneth said. "Terra will protect me if you try to hurt me."

"The kid's got a point," Cecil observed.

"I know," Cloud said darkly, shooting a glare at the half-Esper.

She just smiled sweetly at him.

"You can just vacuum her up?" Arc asked. "That would have made our job of defeating her so much easier."

The Cloud of Darkness turned to glare threateningly at the brunette. He whimpered, hiding behind his silver-haired buddy. "We will deal with you three in a minute."

"Hey!" Refia exclaimed. "I'm on your side now! I'm a bad guy."

"We still have not forgotten our defeat at your hands."

"You hold grudges for a long time," the redhead responded.

"You're one to talk," Luneth mumbled.

Refia glared at the silver-haired Onion Knight. "What was that, Luneth?"

"No-nothing," the boy stammered. He didn't like getting on Refia's bad side when she was with them as a warrior of light. Now that she was a villain, he definitely did not want to piss her off.

"That's what I thought you said."

"Also, Cloud of Darkness," Zidane said. "There is a line to kill Kuja, and I'm first, followed by Dagger."

"Your daggers?"

"No," the genome said, pointing to his girlfriend. "Her nickname is Dagger."

"Why did you start calling her that?" Squall asked.

"She gave herself that nickname," Zidane replied.

Garnet shrugged. "I needed an alias at the time, and I wasn't very creative with making names."

"We will take care of Kuja despite your protests," the Cloud of Darkness responded.

"If you can find him first," Garnet input.

Zidane and the Cloud of Darkness looked up to find that Kuja had fled. "We will track him down," the Cloud of Darkness said before turning to face Luneth, Arc, and Refia. "Then we will finish off you three."

"I'm on your side!" Refia exclaimed. "See! I'm a Dark Knight."

"That does not make you evil," the Cloud of Darkness responded, before hastily floating off after Kuja.

"She has a point," Cecil said. "I have a Dark Knight form, and I am not evil."

"And I have a brother who's a Dark Knight," Maria said. "I suppose he _was_ evil, but he's good now."

"Damn it!" Refia exclaimed, reverting back to her freelancer outfit. "I need a super, badass villain outfit now. Maybe something in black and leather," she muttered.

"Refia," Arc said hesitantly. "You're really not cut out to be a bad guy."

"Excuse me?" she asked the brunette. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You're a Warrior of Light," the brunette replied.

"I _was_ a Warrior of Light," Refia responded.

"Once a Warrior of Light, always a Warrior of Light," Luneth declared.

"Not necessarily," the Warrior of Light said casually.

"Look at Sephiroth," Cloud said. "He used to be a hero of Shinra, but he became the evil that threatened to destroy the world."

"See," Refia said smugly.

"Sephiroth became the evil that tried to destroy the world; he didn't fight against it," Luneth countered.

"Oh yeah?" Refia asked hotly.

"Yeah," Luneth replied, equally as irritated. Soon the two were on the floor, engaged in an intense wrestling/fist-fight.

"Should we be concerned?" Terra asked, moving to break up the two children.

"Not unless they pull out weapons," Arc responded. "Luneth and Ingus used to get in fights a lot, although they were really one-sided fights. Luneth would get mad and yell at Ingus, and Ingus would ignore him. Usually Luneth pulled out a weapon, and they got in a fight; Ingus won a lot at first, but eventually Luneth got a lot stronger. Refia and Luneth sometimes although he usually doesn't get so mad that they get in a physical fight."

A hand shot out of the fray to grip the hem of Arc's Sage robe and pulled the brunette boy into the brawl. "I don't wanna fight!" Arc yelped.

"Is there a reason why all of my warriors are missing, and until about three minutes ago, most were here?" a deep, booming voice asked.

The Thief of Light and Black Mage of Light moved instantly, charging the armored swordsman. Seconds later, they were sent flying back from the force of the attack, landing unceremoniously in front of the coffee table. "Damn," the Thief of Light muttered. "He's gotten a lot tougher." He glanced up at the Warrior of Light. "How do you deal with him now?"

"I've gotten a lot stronger," the Warrior of Light responded with a disinterested shrug. To be honest, he hardly noticed a significant increase in Garland's strength. Perhaps after he had first arrived on Dissidia, but now…"

"Four of my six least-favorite people in one room," Garland muttered distastefully. "And to what do I owe your pleasure?"

"You could pick your phrasing a little better," the Thief of Light muttered under his breath.

Garland's gaze fell on the Chaos Warriors present. "All right, I saw the Cloud of Darkness chasing Kuja off. You're here because of your brother, and you…" he said, pointing first to Golbez then Kefka, "are here because of the bet somehow, and you…" His eyes narrowed as he looked at Sephiroth. "Why are you here?"

"Long story," the ex-Shinra general responded.

"So that leaves Jecht, Exdeath, and Gabranth unaccounted for," Garland mused. "And that still doesn't explain why no one showed up to my meeting."

"There depressingly boring," Kefka responded. "You could at least throw some screaming unfortunates in to liven things up."

"What screaming unfortunates?" Garland asked dryly. "Until now, the only people here were the Cosmos Warriors and the Chaos Warriors."

"Well, we have all these people here now," Kefka pointed out. "And let's start with Miss Ice Princess herself, and do us all a favor."

"You'll have to go through me first," Locke responded.

Kefka took one condescending glance at Locke before snickering. "You? Protect her? I distinctly recall you hiding behind her during many of your battles."

"I was not hiding behind her," Locke bristled. "It was a strategic battle ploy."

"Which is a fancy way of saying you hid behind her," Refia commented from her fight. She currently had Luneth pinned beneath her, with Arc trying to pull her off of his best friend.

"Okay," Locke responded defensively as several snickers broke out. "She had the sword, and I got stuck with a boomerang. If I had stood in front, I would have been hacked to pieces."

"Aren't you two a little young to be doing that?" Garland asked, indicating Luneth and Refia.

It took half a second for his words to sink in, and Luneth and Refia darted away from each other, disgust written clearly on their faces. "Ew no!" Refia exclaimed. "We were fighting!"

"Only cuz you think you're a villain now," Luneth responded.

"I can so be a villain!"

"They're not going to let you in," Arc said.

"You're a villain?" Garland asked skeptically.

"Just turned one today!" Refia responded eagerly. "Sephiroth made me his apprentice."

Garland turned to face Sephiroth. Even though he was wearing a mask, one could sense the question beneath his gaze.

"Another longer story," the silver-haired swordsman replied.

"I see," Garland responded. "And what have you done to make you merit the title of a villain?"

"I ran away from home multiple times."

"Child's play," Garland said.

"I turned Luneth into a toad and tried to feed him to an alligator."

"Better."

"She threw a hi-definition flat-screen television at a coleslaw monster," Golbez observed.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Cecil asked. "And why are you helping her out?"

"Not even I would throw a T.V. that good at a monster," Sephiroth responded.

"Hi-def?" Garland asked. "All right you're in."

"What!" Arc and Luneth exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes!" Refia exclaimed, whirling around to face the two boys. "Ha! In your face!"

"You don't even look like a villain," Luneth protested.

A sudden loud crash echoed from the kitchen. The Warrior of Light sighed, mentally adding up the damages in his head."

"All right," a distinct, harsh female voice yelled. "Which one of you kurs started the ridikulous bet?" Ultimecia stormed into the room, golden eyes furious.

"Aw, is the little time-witch upset?" Kefka asked with his trademark cackle.

"How was the date?" a familiar cocky voice asked as Jecht materialized back into the living room.

"I'm surprised you managed to escape that tea party in the afterlife," Zack observed.

"Yeah, well apparently I got kicked out because I'm an 'uncultured lout with no appreciation whatsoever for art.'"

"Mom said that?" Tidus asked skeptically, knowing how much his mother idolized his father, even in death.

"Not your mom," he said, pointing at Yuna. "Hers."

"Mine?" Yuna asked, confused.

"Your mother doesn't like me," Jecht responded.

"Were you the one who started the bet?" Ultimecia demanded angrily.

"Have fun on the date? I heard it was expensive." The blitzballer cursed as he leapt backwards, evading the Thundaga spell thrown at him.

"It was not a date," Ultimecia responded hotly. "It was a taktikal meeting."

"About what?" Garland asked suspiciously.

"A mutual agreement to help the other take out his/her prey," Ultimecia responded.

"Give it a rest," Garland muttered. "Our entire, for lack of a better term, 'alliance' knows that you and Mateus are trying to overthrow me. In fact, I don't even know why we pretend to know differently since we all hate each other's guts."

"As if that wasn't apparent," Firion muttered sarcastically.

"I would expect you would all have similar agendas," Rosa muttered.

"Hardly," Garland scoffed. "Ultimecia and Mateus plot to overthrow me; Jecht and Golbez keep betraying us for their families; Kefka, the Cloud of Darkness, and Exdeath just want to destroy everything; Sephiroth merely wishes to fuck with Cloud's head; and everyone knows Kuja actually leans more toward Cosmos' side then he lets on."

"Wait a minute," Cecil said. "You're that disorganized?"

"We still kick your asses," Kefka responded.

"And that doesn't explain who started the bet," another voice said, as a golden figure entered the room. The Emperor cast a condescending sneer toward Firion and Maria before turning his attention on the villains present.

"Hey!" Tidus, Bartz, Luneth, and Zidane exclaimed upon noticing what was in the Emperor's grasp.

"That's our television," Firion growled, eying the flat screen tucked beneath the Emperor's arm.

"I found it lying on the floor of the kitchen as if it was being thrown out," Mateus responded. "Since you obviously do not want it, I am reclaiming it. This will look really good in my palace in Hell."

"Assuming it doesn't burn to a crisp first," Bartz muttered, attempting to be humorous.

"We're not throwing it away," Tidus responded.

"How the hell are we supposed to play Final Fantasy XIII without it?" Zidane demanded.

"If you want this back," the Emperor said, addressing Firion directly. "You will have to fight me for it."

"Fine," Firion responded, drawing his sword while his free hand hovered over the hilt of his knife. "And I've got help. Maria…"

"You know," the violet-haired archer said, looking up from the conversation she had started with Yuna and Rosa. "I spend all my free time with you and Guy. I'm enjoying this girl talk so I'm busy. It's just a television anyways."

"A very nice television," Firion muttered. "All right, Matty, en garde…"

"Halt!" the Warrior of Light exclaimed. "All fights must occur outside of this building or within one of the fighting rooms."

"Why?" the Emperor demanded. "The kitchen and this room are already a mess."

"Regardless," the Warrior of Light growled.

"Is there a reason why we are having our meeting in our enemy's hideout?" Exdeath asked, stepping into the living room.

"Ridiculously long story," Garland responded.

"Ah!" Lenna exclaimed, pointing at the green-armored villain.

"Great," Bartz said. "Okay, this is the Cosmos Warrior's headquarters. The only villains allowed are Jecht and Golbez so the rest of you have to leave."

"Yeah!" Zidane exclaimed. "Our Bartz, Squall, and I will go all 589 on your asses!"

"589?" Garnet asked.

"I gave everybody here numbers," Zidane responded. "Long story."

"There are a lot of long stories here," Kain observed.

"Bartz is full of long stories," Faris muttered under her breath. "Has one for every incident that damages my ship."

"What took you so long to get here anyways?" Garland asked Exdeath.

"I was out."

"Doing what?"

"…Photosynthesizing."

The villains died of laughter at that.

Exdeath bristled. "I don't mock you when you eat, so I'd appreciate it if you…"

"Do you know where Gabranth is?" Garland asked as the laughter died down.

"He said something about gloating his 'Dissida rights' to some wannabe sky pirate. Whatever the hell that means."

A figure rushed in past Exdeath. "Dude, Cecil, you gotta help me out here! You see…"

"EDWARD GERALDINE EBLAN!"

_A/N: Yes, lots of more people have arrived, and even more are due next chapter, but I will be sending a lot back home next chapter as well, so it will get less crowded by the end of next chapter. I apologize if anything about this chapter was confusing, especially with all the people in it. I feel the ending was a bit rushed, but this chapter has been giving me trouble, but I have a lot of good ideas for the next two chapters. :D Sorry this took so long to get out. Enjoy!_


	12. Pirates Vs Ninja

_A/N: Well, here's the next chapter you have all been easily anticipating. Thanks for all of your awesome reviews, as always. I promise the confusing number of people begins to clear up within the next three chapters._

_This story does not follow Dissidia Duodecim in any way._

**Chapter Twelve: Pirates Versus Ninja**

"Edge?" Cecil asked, looking curiously at his ninja friend. "What are you doing here?"

"Can you…um…calm down Rydia for me?" the ninja asked, looking fearfully over her shoulder. "She may have taken something I said the wrong way and refuses to listen to me, but she likes you so…"

"Well that depends," Rosa said. "What did you tell her to make her so angry in the first place?"

"It's a long story," Edge said. "It basically might have been implying she is extremely infatuated with me, but I may have phrased it a slightly more lewd way."

"Then I'm afraid that you are on your own for this one, Edge," Rosa responded calmly, eyes serious.

"Oh come on!" Edge exclaimed. "Cecil, you'll help me out, right?"

"I try not to get in between yours and Rydia's fights," the paladin responded. "There is less likelihood of me ending up dead that way."

"Do we get a front row seat to the carnage?" Kain asked.

"Kain!" Rosa and Cecil exclaimed, glaring at their dragoon friend.

"Forget I ever asked," he responded dryly.

"Hilarious," Edge muttered. "And as much as we know that you would like to see me dead or seriously maimed, I do have my own skin to protect, so…" He glanced around at the villains glaring at him. "Did I interrupt some epic confrontation between good and evil?"

"No, you interrupted the villains trying to figure out who started a bet because the two involved are pissed over what it was about," the Warrior of Light responded.

"And you are?" Edge asked.

"The Warrior of Light."

"Quinn," the Thief of Light and Zidane chimed together.

The Warrior of Light just rolled his eyes at the snickers that accompanied his name. He was used to it by now. He honestly did not understand why they found his name so amusing.

"And this bet was about?" Edge asked, eyes falling on a familiar figure in dark armor. "Holy crap, it's Golbez!"

The half-Lunarian Chaos Warrior nodded his head in acknowledgement of the greeting.

The sound of the doorbell ringing echoed through the house. "I've got it!" Luneth exclaimed, leaping to answer the door.

"No wait!" Edge responded, but the kid had already taken off.

"So about the bet," Mateus said, preparing a Meteor spell. "Who started it, so I know who to fry."

"The bet about your date?" Exdeath asked.

"It was not a date!"

"Exdeath started it with the Cloud of Darkness," Jecht responded. "But I put a lot of money from my 401-K in. Golbez, Kefka, and Sephiroth made the most off of it, but…"

"Why do you even have a 401-K?" Yuna asked. "Aren't you dead?"

"Eh? That's irrelevant."

Tidus snorted.

"So you started that ridikulous lie," Ultimecia snarled, advancing upon the retreating tree.

"You know what," Exdeath responded. "I think I need to go photosynthesize some more." Before either Ultimecia or Emperor Mateus could retaliate, he had warped away.

"Well that solves one problem," Garland muttered.

"Why are you taking care of your problems in _our_ living room?" the Warrior of Light asked, glaring at the leader of the Chaos Warriors.

"Why would we fight in our own headquarters and destroy our nice furniture there?" Garland asked. "Especially when we can destroy your stuff."

"I like that philosophy," Refia declared.

"Who's the brat?" Ultimecia asked.

"I'm your newest ally?"

"She's a villain?" the Emperor asked.

"I find her acceptable," Garland responded.

"Why can't we get new girl members?" Terra asked.

"She doesn't look like a villain," Ultimecia responded.

"Yeah, I need a kickass costume," Refia responded, "but I got nothing."

"Well I suppose we will have to help you with that," Ultimecia responded.

"Seriously?" Refia asked.

"Villains have to look cool," Jecht responded. "It's in our contracts."

"Contracts?" Tidus asked.

"Not my fault if Cosmos screwed you over on yours. You should have hired a lawyer…oh wait. They all work for Chaos, never mind."

Tidus just rolled his eyes.

"But about this villain costume?" Refia asked, looking eagerly at Ultimecia.

"Does the fakt that I am the only female villain present automatikally make me the person who has to take kare of this problem?"

"Pretty much," Garland responded.

Ultimecia scowled. "Fine little girl. We will make you a much more presentable villain."

"This is going to be so sweet!" Refia exclaimed.

"You can't just kidnap her," Arc protested.

"Can it be considered kidnapping when I'm going of my own free will?" Refia shot back.

"Isn't there some law that says…" Arc started to say.

"Arc," Refia said. Before the brown-haired boy could respond, she had lashed out, knocking him out to the ground. "Shut up."

"Did you just knock out Arc?" Luneth exclaimed as he walked back into the room.

"She does indeed have potential," Garland said.

"All right!" Refia piped. "Let's go."

"But before we leave…" Ultimecia started to say. Her golden gaze fell on the Cosmos Warriors. "Where did that SeeD kur go?" she demanded.

"Eh?" Zidane asked. "He and Rinoa were here a minute ago." A smirk grew on his face. "Hey Bartz, both Squall and his polarly-opposite girlfriend are missing. Coincidence?"

"I believe not," the brunette responded.

"Go get your camera and…"

"My camera broke when I threw it at Cloud to get away from his murderous rampage," Bartz responded.

"Well we can still investigate!" Zidane piped cheerfully.

"Don't even think about it," the Warrior of Light said.

"You're no fun," the genome shot back.

"I will have to kome back and torture him and the angel-winged sorceress later then," Ultimecia said before warping away with Refia.

"Where's Edge?" Cecil asked.

"Barricading the door," Luneth responded. "I just neglected to tell him that he was barricading the back door while the pretty green-haired summoner girl came in the front."

"This will end badly then," Cecil muttered.

Edge screamed like a girl before rushing back into the room. A young woman with long, flowing emerald hair and a furious expression followed after. "Edge, you lewd, outrageous…"

"Those can be considered compliments to a degree," Edge retorted before ducking behind Cecil.

"Flamboyant…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Zidane input. "Let's get one thing straight: the only flamboyant person here is that guy." He pointed at Kuja. "Or should it be, get one thing gay?"

"I am not gay!" the outraged older genome exclaimed, indignant fury in his eyes.

"Your sense of fashion says otherwise," Jecht commented with a snicker.

"No, he's not gay," Garnet responded.

"And you would know?" Zidane asked cheekily.

"Yes. I would know."

"Because…Wait. What! What do you mean you know that he's not gay!"

Garnet turned her angry gaze toward the older genome. "'I will take you to a world of dreams'?"

"Did I say that?" Kuja asked airily.

"Wait, what!" Zidane exclaimed. "You said that to my girlfriend?"

"She wasn't your girlfriend at the time," Kuja responded.

"She's not your girlfriend right now," Garnet responded.

"If you're going to kill each other," Mikoto observed calmly, barely sparing a glance at her two older brothers, "Take it someplace where I don't have to clean up after you two."

Almost everyone in the room gawked at the youngest genome present. "You're very passive when it comes to your brothers' deaths," the Warrior of Light observed absently in an equally calm voice.

"If they get themselves killed, it won't hurt me," Mikoto responded.

"Just ignore her," Zidane responded. "She was raised by a crazy scientist on a dying planet; Kuja too. Maybe that explains why he's so messed up. I guess I have to thank you for dropping me on Gaia so I could be raised by Tantalus instead of by Garland."

"Garland?" the Warrior of Light asked skeptically.

"Not your Garland; an older, way-less-buff, different Garland," Zidane clarified. "Like Cid, but not as widespread."

"I would hope there was not a Garland on each of our worlds," the Warrior of Light responded. "Just the concept alone gives me a headache."

Meanwhile, the four Baronians and Golbez had directed their attention to the deadly stare-off between Rydia and Edge. Neither had said anything since their exchange had been interrupted, but if looks could kill, Edge would have been stabbed at least thirty-seven times by now.

"Look," Edge said, "if you're going to summon one of your Eidolons to smite into oblivion, can we get this over with?"

Rydia pointed toward the door. "March outside mister."

"What?" Edge asked, brow furrowing in confusion.

"Outside. Now."

"Why can't you do it in here?"

"Because I don't want to cause any damage to their house," Rydia responded. "Now outside."

Edge smirked. "No. If you will only attack me outside, then I'm staying nice and safe in here."

"Really?" the Warrior of Light asked. "You are seriously concerned with causing damage to our belongings?"

"Yes," Rydia responded. "I mean, if you really don't mind then I…"

"I mind," the Warrior said. "I mind a lot. Please don't destroy anything here."

"Like this?" Garland asked, launching his sword out to crash through one of the few remaining undamaged walls.

The Warrior of Light stood up calmly, one of his eyebrows twitching slightly. His luminescent blade appeared in his hand with a flash of light.

Almost instinctively, the White Mage of Light, the Black Mage of Light, and the Thief of Light leapt to their feet. "Looks like we're going Final Fantasy I on his ass again," the Thief said with a wry wink. "This should be fun."

"Final Fantasy I?" Rosa asked, looking over at Cecil curiously.

"I have no clue," the Paladin responded, returning his attention to the child cradled between them.

Once the four original warriors of light had defeated Garland yet again, all attention returned to Rydia and Edge. The summoner was trying to shove Edge out of the room so that she could beat him up. However, because he was so much bigger than her, he was able to resist her pushes.

"Let me help you out," Faris suddenly input, before flipping the ninja prince over on the coffee table (easily causing its legs to give out beneath the sudden weight).

"What the hell!" Edge exclaimed furiously.

"That's what you had coming to you, Ninja scum," Faris spat.

His eyes suddenly narrowed in understanding. "Pirate," he said with a venom.

The entire atmosphere in the room suddenly changed. "This is so freaking epic!" Luneth whispered to Arc, violet eyes wide in awe. An actual ninja versus pirate war. Then louder, he exclaimed, "We can finally get an answer to that bet!"

"That bet is staying unanswered," Cloud responded.

"What bet?" Terra asked, looking between most of her fellow Cosmos Warriors curiously.

"Who would win in a Pirate vs. Ninja battle," Luneth responded.

"Everyone knows that it would be a pirate," Bartz responded.

However at the same time, Tidus exclaimed, "Ninjas FTW!"

"What?" the Warrior of Light, Firion, and Cecil asked.

"For the Win," Cloud explained. "FTW."

"…"

"Did all you participate in this bet?" Terra asked. "And why didn't I hear of this until now?"

"Because the punishment of the bet is non-applicable to you," Cloud said.

"And this punishment would be?" Sephiroth asked.

"Hey Cloud," Zack interrupted. "Aerith and I are heading back. It was nice seeing you."

"Can you take Sephiroth back with you?" Tifa asked.

"That depends," Cloud said. "Is he going to stay dead this time?"

"As long as you have darkness in your heart," Sephiroth said, "I will continue coming back."

Tifa glared at Sephiroth for a moment before calmly reaching over to take one of Cloud's hands in hers, squeezing it tightly. A bright flash of light filled the room, and when it cleared, Sephiroth had vanished.

"What the heck just happened?" Zack asked, glancing between Tifa and Cloud curiously.

"I wasn't exactly sure that would work," Tifa admitted.

"Sure what would work?" Luneth asked, clearly confused by the exchange.

"Just like Kingdom Hearts II all over again," Squall muttered, reentering the room, Rinoa at his side.

"At least you got into that," said dark-haired sorceress muttered.

"So where were you?" Zidane asked in a suggestive voice. "Having a quic…"

"Zidane Tribal!" Garnet and Terra exclaimed sternly at the exact same time.

"A quick what?" Luneth asked innocently.

Squall looked like he was about kill Zidane. However, Rinoa was able to quickly calm him down.

"Oh nothing," Terra assured the younger boy.

"Squall!" Bartz exclaimed.

"At the rate you and Zidane worship him," Lenna muttered, "I'm beginning to worry about our relationship."

Not hearing her, the mime continued. "We can finally find an answer to the bet."

"What bet?" Squall asked.

"_The_ bet," Bartz responded, motioning between Edge and Faris, already facing off for an epic battle.

"I'm not entirely sure that I want to know the answer to that bet," Squall responded.

"What exactly is so bad about it?" Terra asked.

"It's complicated," Firion responded.

"Meaning?" Maria asked.

However, the conversation was never finished because at that moment, Edge had lunged forward, straight at Faris. The pirate easily sidestepped his first attack, bringing one of her swords up to block his kunai. However, he easily maneuvered his knives to slide under her blade, grazing her side. Faris forced her weight forward, knocking him back several feet.

The fight continued back and forth for several long, epic minutes. Everyone in the audience watched the legendary fight, enraptured by the battle. Suddenly, Edge reached out and seized Faris' wrists, flipping her over his shoulder to the ground. The fight seemed to be finished.

However, something suddenly seemed to click in Edge's mind. "You're a girl?" he asked in confusing, looking at Faris in a new light.

"Yes," she said with a wry smile, before digging her knee into his groin. Every man present winced at the attack. She then somehow proceeded to reverse their position, flinging Edge onto the ground. The force of the attack was enough to knock him unconscious.

"Yes!" Zidane and Bartz exclaimed, leaping into the air. "Pirates for the win!"

Cloud, Cecil, Luneth, and Tidus were left to gawk at the unconscious ninja. "Leviathan damn it," Cecil muttered.

"Hey!" Rydia exclaimed. "You can't take the name of my adopted father in vain."

"Okay," Maria said. "What was the punishment for this bet that makes everyone react so violently?"

"The losers had to go spend the evening in a gay bar," Squall responded calmly, a small, victorious smirk on his face.

"She cheated," Luneth protested. "She used her gender against him."

"Edge is a womanizer," Rydia muttered.

"See!"

"No one cares Luneth," Zidane responded.

"A gay bar?" Tifa asked, glancing at Cloud curiously.

"The bet was supposed to remain unanswered," the blond swordsman responded darkly.

"Well," she observed slyly. "You have had to seduce a man before."

Hysterical laughter broke out throughout the room as Cloud gawked at Tifa. "Et tu Tifa?" he asked, clearly wounded by her jest. She merely smiled sweetly back at him.

"I say that I should be exempt because I am married," Cecil began to protest.

"It's not like we're asking you to do anything specific," Firion replied. "You just have to go to a gay bar. It's not that bad."

"I still say that the pirate side cheated," Luneth muttered darkly.

"You are not taking Luneth to a gay bar," Terra said. "Or any bar for that matter. He is not even old enough."

"Then why would he join the bet in the first place?" Kain asked,

"Technically Zidane and Squall are underage," Cloud muttered.

"What?" Tifa asked, staring at the SeeD commander curiously. "That can't be right."

"Terra and Tidus are both older than Squall," Cecil said. "He's only seventeen."

"Almost eighteen," the brunette instantly replied.

"You're only seventeen?" Maria, Rosa, Garnet, and Lenna asked at the exact same time, gawking at the much older-looking teen.

"Yeah, so?" Rinoa shot back, snuggling up to her boyfriend.

"Photo op!" Zidane exclaimed, mimicking taking a picture of the couple.

Squall rolled his eyes while Rinoa beamed.

"Excuse me," a smooth, flirtatious voice said. "But I was wondering if you could lend a hand to…Well hello Terra."

_A/N: Yes, Faris won the match just by distracting Edge by being a female. He is such a flirt. As for Tidus being older than Squall, since I am using Final Fantasy X-2 Yuna, I made Tidus 19 (as he should be if you complete the good ending and bring him back *spoilers*). And the trip to the gay bar for the losers will not be a part of this story, so use your imagination. :D Hope you enjoyed the chapter!_


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